DotMoms

Guilty pleasures

By Leslie

Andrea’s post about her children waking her gently with a kiss reminded me of my own little affectionate tyke. James is obsessed with hugging, pure and simple. The kid loves to give hugs, day or night. He started at a new daycare center last week and his caregiver said the first day he went around hugging each new kid that he met. Awwww. At Chuck E. Cheese a few weeks back, he climbed onto a toddler train, put his arm around the plastic engineer figure in the car, gave him a huge hug and then carried on with the ride!

Mind you, I think this is partially my doing. Ever since James was born, we’ve tried to introduce him to as many new situations as possible to help foster his sense of security with other people. We travel and entertain often, we do lots of activities with other families and we enrolled him in a large daycare center so he’d meet lots of new people. Finally, we always ask him to give hugs to family and friends before bed. I think all of this has helped result in his love of hugging!

I feel a bit guilty for trying to mold his behavior like this, but every time he does it, I just melt. It’s so sweet and charming. I have three nieces and while they are amazing kids, they don’t seem to be very comfortable around adults and don’t like to give hugs. I know it should be no big deal to me, but I have to say, I hate it! I want to walk into their home and have them run over to me for a big hug, squealing "Aunt Les! Aunt Les!" (To date this little fantasy of mine has not come true.)

I must admit that I secretly love when other mothers comment on how cute James is when he hugs them. Don’t we all beam with pride when someone compliments our child? Of course it could just be that he was born with an outgoing personality. Who knows? I am sure our next child will be shy as the day is long. But for now, I’ll keep encouraging James to give hugs whenever he wants.

Last week my twin sister, Kate, who is like James' second mother, came over to visit. When she walked in the family room, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he ran over to her for a huge hug, yelling "Aunt Kate! Aunt Kate!"

I am jealous beyond words.

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.

Feeding frenzy

By Leslie

I don’t know about you all, but I’m completely confused as to what constitutes good nutrition for children (and adults!) these days. What kind of meals should I be making? Low fat? Low carb? Low salt?  I constantly hear conflicting news reports on which foods are the best for a healthy lifestyle. And have you seen the new food pyramid? Shouldn't the graphic speak for itself and not require an explanation?!

Every time I give my son a cracker I have visions of Dr. Atkins leaping out of the grave and smacking the offending carbohydrate out of my hand faster than you can say “glycemic index.” Yet a meat-only diet could hardly provide all the nutrients a growing boy needs, right? Should I be giving him a strip of bacon for snack instead? And I swear the carton of whole milk in our fridge mocks me every time I open the door. I feel sick thinking of all that fat. Blech.  So what’s a mom to do?

I will admit that I am no health nut. It wasn’t a fruit salad my husband was trying bribe me with when I was delivering our son. Oh no. It was a McChicken sandwich from McDonalds. “Just one more push, honey, and then I promise I’ll go get you a McChicken!” Boy did that work like a charm, especially since I had not eaten in over 24 hours! My son was out in minutes.

But I do try and make sure that we eat what I think is a fairly balanced diet at our house –- lots of veggies and fresh fruit, not too many carbohydrates, not too few carbohydrates, mostly lean meats, low-fat dairy products, not much candy or junk food, olive oil instead of peanut oil, etc. 

And yet, I constantly ask myself if I am doing enough. Should I be sprinkling flax seed on my son’s cereal? Switching to TVP crumbles instead of ground beef? Help!

My pediatrician tells me that kids under two should drink whole milk and eat more carbs than most adults. But I really have a hard time getting past the guilt when I serve them to him. I am trying to keep him healthy without turning him into an overweight kid. Of course I don’t want him to have an eating disorder, either! Ugh.

Thankfully he just turned two so we’ve cut back to 2 percent milk. One guilt-inducer down, five billion more to go!

What are meals like at your house?

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.

Potty time

By Leslie

Potty training. Those two seemingly innocuous words strike utter fear in my heart. I get cold and hot flashes just thinking about pint-sized potties, Pull-Ups and nighttime sheet changing. I walk quickly past the potty training books at the bookstore, fearful one might come to life and leap out at me screaming, "Don't you know it's time to potty train your child??!! You only have a small window of opportunity to get this right! Snap to it, Woman!"

Now that we've passed the first set of major milestones (crawling, walking, talking and tantrums) with our just-turned-two son, we are supposedly ready for the next one, potty training. The only problem is that I am not ready. I am not sure I'll ever be ready. See, diapers are fabulous to me. Sure, they are a little expensive, especially when your child's cute little Buddha belly is so large that only the most expensive premium brand fits him. And sure, it would be nice if James could just "take care of business" on his own. But I don't care. I'll forgo a latte at Starbucks every day for the convenience that diapers afford me, at least for now.

Right now, I slap a diaper on James each morning and off we go. We can go to the mall, the movies, the park, no hassles whatsoever. If he has to go, he goes. No frantically running around trying to find a restroom in time. If he does need a change, it's a quick trip to a bathroom or even to the back of our car for a new diaper. What's not to love about that? And with baby number two on the way, juggling both of them while trying to get to the restroom in time just ain't this mama's idea of fun!

I dread the whole process of potty training and the conflicting methods I've learned about –- taking him to the potty every 30 minutes, giving reward stickers, letting him walk around naked all day, aiming for Cheerios in the toilet. Ugh. You don't suppose they make diapers for 6th graders, do you? Hmmmm…

Besides, I've already got enough pee on my hands (and floor!) with an incontinent cat and a dog who doesn't always wake us when she needs to go out at night. How much more can a gal handle?

So does anyone know of a nice "potty training camp" where I can send my son for a few weeks?

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.

Another kind of mom…

By Leslie

I am mom to a sweet 2-year-old boy and have another child due in March. I am also mom to two goofy, bumbling black Labrador mutts and a shy and reserved cat (is there any other kind?). They are all my children, dear to my heart and vital to our family's well-being. Yes, I spoil them (the dogs occasionally get double cheeseburgers from the McDonald’s drive-through and we bought a king-sized bed so they'd have more room with us at night) but they pay me back daily with unwavering love, devotion and wet kisses.

As such, I cannot even begin to imagine how it is possible to leave your children behind in a disaster situation. My husband and I have had an agreement in place since 9/11. If something happens in the D.C. area, I will make sure to get our son and get out of town and my husband will go get the dogs and cat. No way would we leave them behind if at all humanly possible. I know my dear husband –- he may grumble when he has to pull pooper scooper duty, but he would move heaven and earth to save our furry kids.

I just got back from spending five days in Louisiana helping out with rescue efforts for the animal victims of hurricane Katrina. A lot of what I saw was horrifying: starving cats locked in apartments with no food, dogs chained to their houses so they could not escape the flooding, birds left to die in covered cages. It breaks my heart to know that these animals relied on humans for their well-being and when it was time to evacuate, the humans abandoned them, thus sentencing them to death.

I've tried for two weeks now to imagine what kind of person would leave their animals to die. I cannot understand it; I am not sure I ever will. Sure, I know that many folks tried to take their animals with them or had to leave them behind during rescue attempts. But there are so many other people that just deserted their pets.

It is our job to protect and care for our animals. I look at my two sweet pups and know that they see me as their mom -- their source of food, love and companionship. They are my children and I would never leave them. I hope that pet owners everywhere learn from this hurricane. May they realize just how much our animals need us and may this kind of animal disaster never happen again.

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.

I'm a sissy

By Leslie

When I was younger, my family took my little brother to go see one of those "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movies. I don't remember my exact age, but I do believe it was during a time when my only job was to roll my eyes in disgust as much as possible at being seen in public with my parents. During one particularly poignant scene about love and friendship, I looked over at my mother and saw tears streaming down her face. "You big sissy," I remember thinking with true teen disdain. "When I grow up, I'm not gonna cry at the drop of a hat like my stupid mother!"

Flash forward 20 years to last weekend. My husband and father and I took my 2-year-old son to see the Wiggles, live and in concert. I am ashamed to admit it, but James is a little obsessed with the Wiggles. We don't let him watch TV that often, but when we do, he only wants to watch the Wiggles. He goes into an almost catatonic trance and stares at the TV screen, oblivious to the world around him. If he won't let me brush his teeth very thoroughly, we go in the TV room, I turn on Wiggles (bless the person who invented Tivo!) and say "open." He opens his mouth and leaves it open for a good brushing as long as I don't turn off the TV. Hey, I won't win parent of the year award, but at least my son has clean teeth!

While James was a little young to really understand what a concert was before we got there, he was beaming when we arrived and he saw other kids in Wiggles shirts and all the Wiggles merchandise. I'd been excited for weeks about the show, anticipating the moment when he'd realize that the four men he's watched wiggling around our TV room were standing right in front of him. Luckily, I was not disappointed. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and his face broke into a huge grin. He kept looking from the stage to our faces, not sure if he should believe his eyes. I was completely overwhelmed by how amazing it was for me to watch my son experience true joy.

And as my husband reached over and brushed away the tears that were falling down my face, it struck me: I have become a big sissy, just like my own mom. And I couldn't be happier!

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.

Sucker baby

By Leslie

"Your life will change completely -- forget going out, having a life or spending alone time with your husband!"

"You'll never go to the movies again!"

These are just a few of the things that close friends and family told me when we announced we were having our first child (after the obligatory round of hearty congratulations, of course). I know they meant well and were just trying to prepare me for motherhood. But really, folks, I could have done without the warnings!

I spent the subsequent six months of pregnancy lying awake at night frightened by just how much work a child would be. When asked, "Aren't you just so excited about the baby?" I would smile and say, "Of course!" while inwardly terrified by how much my life would change when he arrived.

And arrive he did -- nine adorable pounds of steel gray eyes, blondish hair and a Winston Churchill face. And you know what? It was easy!

James didn't fuss much, he ate like a champ and he slept even better. Heck, I got more sleep on maternity leave than I did when I went back to work full time.

Our son is now 2 years old and I still manage to see three or four movies a month, my husband and I have a scheduled date night once a week and on weekends we often travel as a family. And to this day, I feel both guilty (that I didn't go through the hell that the other mothers in my book club went through) and alone (was my invitation to the "Motherhood Hell" club lost in the mail?).

Of course, we do realize just how lucky we are. James was a "sucker baby," a baby so good that he suckers you into having another one!

But why did everyone try and scare me into thinking that motherhood was this awful, tiring adventure? It hasn't been for us -- rather, it has been a deliciously fun, immensely rewarding and downright hilarious adventure. I always knew I'd love my child, I just never realized how much fun he would be!

So as we consider giving James a sibling, I am bracing myself for what I know friends will say, "Oh, two is MUCH harder than one, you are really in for a shock!"

I sure hope they are wrong again!

So tell me, is having two infinitely harder than one?

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.

The transformation: From parent to grandparent

By Leslie

What is it about becoming a grandparent that makes people lose all sense of parenting skills? Suddenly, my stern father -- who could often be heard screaming things like, "Shut the front door, I'm not heating the entire neighborhood!" -- vanished. In his place appeared a gentle doting fellow, one who can be easily persuaded to watch just one more episode of the Wiggles or hand out yet another banana (the man doesn't have to deal with the um... consequences... of six bananas the next day, does he?!).

My father is of the generation that thought being a good provider was the most important thing you could do for your family; you left the child rearing to your wife. Not that my father didn't want to be a part of our lives, I just don't think he knew how or what to do. Truth be told, my twin sister and I were always a little afraid of him. It wasn't until we were both in college that he softened a little and we really got to know him as a person. We now have an amazing relationship with our father and we certainly appreciate all the tough lessons he taught us growing up. 

Somehow, though, I wasn't prepared for how my father would react when I had my son. He immediately bought a Pac 'N Play so the baby had somewhere to stay when we visited. He joined the "kids club" at Sears to buy Jamie outfits, as well as Upromise to help save for his college. He even stocked the house with diapers, wipes and baby Tylenol. Man, this is weird.

But I am delighted that my father has taken such an interest in our son. One of Jamie's first words was "Pap-Pap" and he often picks up the phone and hands it to me, asking to call Pap-Pap. I hope they remain close and that my son has a chance to learn all the wonderful things my father has to teach.

But please, Dad, stop feeding him so many bananas!

Leslie lives in northern Virginia with her husband and 2-year-old son.