Long before we were married -- back when my husband and I were just friendly co-workers -- he revealed to me the secret of video production. He said, "You can get it good, fast or cheap. Pick any two."
He was right when it came to videos, and I'm starting to think the rule applies to life as well.
Not too long after he shared this insight with me, we started dating. We lived good and fast for a while, and it was really expensive. We ate dinner out every night, took frequent trips to the beach and mountains and points in between, and bought whatever part of the good life was for sale.
Then, we got lucky. We didn't have to invest a lot of time or upfront money in what we wanted next: A baby.
We knew our lives would change when our son was born, but I wasn't ready to give up on the idea of having everything all at once. I struggled for years -- almost six of them, now -- to balance work, family and finances, with few role models.
I have friends who are stay-at-home moms and manage to live with limited means so that they can create the kinds of families they want, giving up exciting jobs in the process. I have friends who spend hours at work earning good money, in search of the kind of satisfaction that creating your own family can bring.
And still, every day, I struggle with this three-headed monster. Some days are good, fast ones when I burn with enthusiasm, like a firecracker that flames out quickly. Other days are slow and worth savoring, but costly.
My husband has become particularly gifted at this juggling act. He has created a career for himself that allows him to be our son's chauffeur, short-order cook and playmate, and still do what he loves. And he has trained his clients to expect that.
Recently I listened to our phone messages and heard one of his favorite regulars say, "We want you March 9 and 10, April 14 and 15, and April 19th and 20th. I wanted to talk to you early about these dates so we could accommodate Colter's birthday."
Colter is our son. And my husband's client was actually arranging his production schedule around our son's birthday, so we could spend it together as a family. He knew my husband would agree to no less.
My husband is a very slow and steady sort (a good balance for me) and was willing to forego building his career quickly in order to craft it exactly the way he wanted. I've changed jobs (but not companies) just about every two years, rising more quickly than some but at the expense of our early life together as a family.
While my husband was home for our son's first words and first steps, I was working. Now that our son is in school, I can pause a bit, enjoy the view, and appreciate that we can afford his kindergarten tuition.
I have come to accept that life's resources are limited and happiness is fleeting, and that the good times last as long as the bad, even though it never feels that way.
Life can be short and feel long, or be long and feel short. Either way, you pay the price.
This LifeFiles column originally appeared on about 70 TV station websites managed by Internet Broadcasting Systems.
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