Liberals and conservatives. Mac loyalists and PC users. Cat lovers and the doggie devoted.
There are only two kinds of people in this world, and I've spent the last few weeks barking up the wrong tree.
I really wanted a puppy. The idea appealed to me, and my husband and son practically panted at the thought. But their imaginings stopped after the first few months of life with dog. Mine began then.
Every time I pictured taking Fido for a walk, I'd feel like I was mentally poised to step in a pungent pile left behind by someone who wasn't following pooper-scooper protocol.
I was willing to see if reality's bite was as bad as I feared, though, so we continued our pursuit of the perfect pedigree.
We looked for a dog that would be good with kids and could handle living in an apartment; one who was energetic but quiet; smart but small; affectionate but not overbearing. A dog who acted like ...
... a cat.
As I took my son to animal shelters and pet stores, he would hold his nose and cringe, wondering aloud why dogs were so stinky and loud.
We took our time, hunting for the right size, the right look -- the right one -- when I finally started to pick up the scent of a problem.
No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't see a pooch in my future. The truth snuck up on little paws.
I'm a cat person.
Do you think you know me? Are you picturing an urban jungle girl, with bookish glasses and pale skin? Nope, not me. A spinster with more tabbys than sense? Not me either.
I am neither Cat Woman nor cat lady. Just a working mom who wants a pet that is independent and will gladly take care of itself if we spontaneously decide to head to the beach or stay an extra night away from home. I want a pet that is self-cleaning and self-motivated, one that doesn't require people to entertain it.
On a cold, wet day, a cat will sit by the window and count the raindrops, not scratch at the door needing to go out, only to return messy with fleas and other unwanted guests.
My preference was not particularly perplexing to me, but it was upsetting to some of the dog people I know.
These owners of labs, goldens, Chihuahuas even (like they're really dogs!) are a different sort. They're more patient than I am, more enthusiastic, more willing to put themselves out for others.
And they really wanted me to be one of them. When I told one of my colleagues that we had opted for kittens instead of a puppy, she said, "I thought so highly of you until now."
In her family, she told me, they sometimes talk like animals. She demonstrated what they say when they speak in Dog: "Do you love me? You love me! I know you love me! Come play with my ball."
As cats they say: "Maybe I'll let you touch me if you ask nicely. With that hand? No, I don't think so."
Cats may be too aloof, even arrogant for some. Then again, so am I. I don't want to be on a leash, even a long one, or rely on someone else to open doors for me.
Dogs, on the other hand, are very egalitarian. Throw one a bone and he'll be your best friend for life, or at least until the next person wanders into the back yard.
In spite of their differences, dogs and cats can live together in relative harmony. I'm not so sure about dog and cat people.
If dog people are really the dopey extroverts I'm making them out to be and cat people the well-educated intellectuals, then what hope is there for the future of the human race?
And if there are only two kinds of people in this world, into what category should I put those highly-evolved animal lovers who have integrated their yin and yang and have both kinds? What of the cat lover stuck in a canine home? What about people who have no pets? Are they too solitary and selfish to commit? Think you know the type?
I work with a 22-year-old who believed he was a cat person until the right dog recently came along. This begs the question: Are we all just one pet away from switching sides?
The truth is not so straightforward. We're all mutts and strays, creatures of mixed character with blended traits and odd origins, trying to bridge breeds.
Recognize me now? I'm the one curled up on the couch taking a cat nap.
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This LifeFiles column originally appeared on about 70 TV station websites managed by Internet Broadcasting Systems.
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