Do I stay or do I go?
When Colter was in kindergarten he was invited to about a party a month, and I stayed every time because it was a relatively new experience for him and I wasn't sure how he'd behave. I felt a little self-conscious about it because many of the moms left, and I didn't want the party parents to think I didn't trust them.
By 1st grade, I sometimes stayed and sometimes left, depending on whether the mom was a friend and whether she seemed like she wanted or needed help. It was also a fun way to get to know the kids in Colter's peer group and the parents.
He's in 2nd grade now, and he'd rather I leave. So, this morning Gary and I took him to a pool party and just as we were about to go, the birthday mom said to someone else about another mom, "Oh, she isn't coming. She was only going to drop Haley off anyway." Even though I knew I was probably overinterpreting, I immediately felt judged because we were about to leave Colter. Apparently, good moms stay. Shamed into it, I was ready to forego our planned trip to Barnes & Noble, but Gary boldly said, "Well, we're gonna leave now." And we did.
As we were driving away, I told him I felt like these other moms (all of who stayed) were looking askance at us, and yet I knew Colter didn't want us there. He said, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." And that is the ultimate truth of parenting.
If good mommies stay, I must be a very very bad mom!! With 4 kids, I would be at a birthday party almost everyweekend! IMO - you.go.girl!!! - shop, sleep, do the dishes, go for coffee, whatever! And don't feel bad! - Your son is right... This his time, his little world and his friends - Let the uptight mommies stay if they need to - Free time for you makes you a better person and therefore a better mommy! And of course... If staying is what you really what to do - then hey, pass the Ice Cream!! :)
Posted by: Amber | September 14, 2003 at 05:56 PM