I love being with my friends. I like being with Gary's friends. I even enjoy Colter's friends, for the most part. But some parents of Colter's friends are, at their agonizing worst, *those people*.
They're the parents I never want to be: ignoring their kids entirely or yelling at them; disinterested in their kids' homework until the note comes home reminding them that it's late again (hear that yelling in the background?); oblivious to their kids' manners and language until it embarrasses them (hear that yelling in the background?).
Now, I've been known to raise my voice around the house from time to time. I'm not philosophically opposed to yelling. I just prefer that it be deserved (even if it's for something else that happened within the same 24-hour period).
But I really hate socializing with people who are so deliberately not the type of parent I want to be. Because, usually, that's a signal they're not the type of person I want to know.
In fact, they bring out the worst in me and are about to tonight as we head to a party/sleepover for Colter. When we get there we'll have a few beers while they get sloshed, certain there's no way they'll even know whether my child goes to bed before midnight because they'll be passed out by then.
While we're there, I'll politely nod and try not to say anything judgmental, slowly seething and wishing that I could handle things differently. Wishing that they could handle things differently. Wishing that things could be different.
And all night long I'll worry. Instead of enjoying the time alone with Gary, I'll worry that the kids are outside playing in the street while the parents pay no attention. I'll worry that they're jumping from the bunk beds, with the door closed and the adults on the other side somewhere. I'll worry that Colter's hurt.
And I'll wonder whether I'm being overprotective -- Should I have stayed longer? Should I have brought him home? Am I incapable of trusting others?
Why does parenting raise so many questions and so few answers?
UPDATE: Colter is home asleep in his bed. Everything had been going OK, the kids were running around outside (in addition to the four we were going to visit, there were four neighborhood kids over), and the grown-ups were finishing dinner. Suddenly, the mother of the house jumped up from the table and said, "I see flames."
The kids were in the backyard, gathered around a citronella candle, lighting sticks on fire with it, then putting them out in a cup of water they kept nearby. I stayed incredibly calm, collected Colter, sat him down and reminded him that my brother died playing with matches. Gary told him some people don't die when they're severely burned, they live with the injuries forever. We also let him know he had about 15 minutes and then we'd all be going home. He didn't even consider arguing. And when it was time to go, he left easily, barely pausing for goodbye hugs before heading to the car, where he promptly passed out.
My little boy is home asleep, safe a little longer.
Phew. What a scary world we live in!
Posted by: Kelly | October 26, 2003 at 09:04 AM
In a questionable situation (even if it just doesn't sit right) the friend is always invited here for the sleep over instead ~ even if I am inconvenienced ;) or the invitation is skilfully turned down ~ This is a whip I've only got one crack at!!
"If I smoother them with my love, they will die happy" ~ Now, that's and Amber quote!!!
Posted by: Amber | October 25, 2003 at 09:01 PM