So many reasons to hate the season

I've always suffered from December depression.

I think it started in earnest the year my parents first gave me a check instead of wrapped packages. I was in my 20s by then, but still had a kid's Christmas dreams (which is a little strange, because I'm Jewish, but that's a subject for another time).

When my father and stepmother married, our family grew, and instead of buying small presents that drew us closer to each other and into the spirit of giving, we drew names from a grab bag and each selected one person to gift. It was practical, but pathetic.

And for many years after, the festivities were filled with an endless series of verbal prods:

• What do you plan to do when you graduate?


• When are you getting married?


• When are you having children?


• When are you giving little Whoever a brother or sister?

When will they stop?!

I considered creating a holiday happiness scale that measures the misery by the number of questions asked. Instead, I drank a little more egg nog. (Actually, I hate egg nog. Why would I want to drink eggs?)

The only thing I hate more is how expensive it is to survive the season. Heck, even the 12 days of Christmas now cost $16,885.28, according to a Pittsburgh-area financial group that has been tracking the expense for 19 years. The group attributes the 16 percent increase over last year to the rising price of calling birds and swans-a-swimming.

Don't misunderstand. I love picking out the perfect presents for my son, my husband and a few friends and family members. I know them well, understand what they want out of life, and am thrilled to discover gifts that will help make their dreams come true. Nothing is better than delivering those with some tinsel and a twinkle.

But generally speaking, I am much better at giving than receiving, so the public opening of boxes and oohing and ahhing is part of what I hate about the holidays.

And there's so much more anticipatory awkwardness as well. Did that friend from work buy me something? Do I need to reciprocate? Will cousin Whatchamacallit's special package arrive on time? Is Uncle Whosiwig going to get drunk and kiss everyone who accidentally passes his way?

The worst thing about this month, though, is all the money I spend seeing people I never make time for the rest of the year.

Once, I actually tallied up the amount we spent on meeting friends at bars and restaurants, bringing hostess gifts to parties, and ordering food for our own get-together. It was in the thousands. And that was before we had a child, with visions of toys that make noise.

It isn't just the financial cost that gets me, though, it's the expectation that for at least one month a year I'll be happy, joyful, and in good spirits, whether I like it or not.

Every year I truly believe this will be the one when I'll roll up my sleeves, get out the rolling pin and make cookies.

Somehow, I expect the calendar to transform me into Mrs. Claus. And I'm always disappointed in myself and in the power of the season when it doesn't.

This year, all I want for Christmas is a peaceful end to the year, one that leaves my bank balance and mental balance on the positive side.

Until then, I'm dreaming of a silent night.

This LifeFiles column originally appeared on about 70 TV station websites managed by Internet Broadcasting Systems.

Comments

[Amber]

Hey! I did turn into Mrs Klaus and you know... i got the A$$ to go with it!!! I *shall not* eat my own Christmas baking again next year!!!

[fran manushkin]

At the age of 61, it finally hit me on Xmas Eve that this holiday is designed (not purposely) to make everyone miserable. It cannot but play to our deepest yearnings and fears, past, present and future. No matter how fortunate we are (and I count myself VERY fortunate). the expectations are way beyond what reality can offer. I think it should be outlawed and a gratitude holiday installed in its stead. Thanksgiving has always appealed to me more because it doesn't come with all the crazy strings attached (just family, which is crazy enough). Can't we just declare a great season of thankfulness from Thanksgiving through Xmas, which would include our thanks for Jesus (if we believe) and in everything else good.