Mom in the Mirror

Awkward situation

There's a kid who moved in to our apartment complex about a month ago and who competes with Colter for the attention of a female friend. This other boy is winning, but not cleanly. They only see each other outside, but the tension between he and Colter leads to roughhousing, and they've both been hurt several times. Gary and I have told Colter that he can't play with this boy anymore (he's older and stronger and we worry, of course). But do we say anything to this boy's mother, who Colter believes has no idea what's going on and who would be upset? I'd want to know, but does she?

What goes up...

Gary and Colter had a great week during spring break, and I loved relaxing with them when I finally arrived home (late, as usual), because they were having such a nice time together. Yesterday, Colter returned to school, and it was disastrous.

He came home and said that he was talking out during his time in the gifted program then was disrespectful to a parent who was helping in his regular classroom. Afterschool, his piano lesson was iffy, and when he went outside, he and an older boy (who we said he couldn't play with) began fighting.

After dinner, I thought we'd gotten him resettled. We spent the evening cuddling, watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and commisserating about difficult days. Then, when we went into the bathroom to brush teeth, I discovered he had taken a handful of Q-Tips and flushed them down the toilet. Why? "I wanted you to spend more time with me," he said.

Cue the maternal dirge.

Now, Gary and I both think his explanation was a way of deflecting our attention from his behavior by making me feel bad (he's a smart kid). But still, it stings.

Will I ever feel I spend enough time with him? Will he ever feel I do? Or am I destined to be the family scapegoat, carrying all of our sins into the wilderness of my guilt?

Drifting

I have a friend. She was my best friend. Sometimes I still refer to her that way. But probably, I shouldn't. Over the years, we've moved miles apart, switched jobs, raised our children, and worked through things without each other's constant counsel. How do you know when to let go of closeness and when to give a tug on the line?

Floating

I felt like a cloud yesterday, skimming the surface of the swimming pool in a pink plastic inner tube, reading a book, while Colter played spy tag with friends nearby. If only life could always be that light.

Friday night at the movies

The tickets cost $19.50 and the popcorn was another $5, but I would have paid twice that, at least, just to spend a few hours laughing. Scooby-Doo 2 was truly groovy and an absurdly fitting way to end the week I've had.

What was the last movie you saw in a theatre?

I cannot tell a lie

I'm beginning to think that honesty is not always the best policy. When people ask me a question, I usually tell them what I think. Sometimes, I even share what I think unprompted. But there are times when people would rather not know what I think.

So why do I persist? I became a compulsive truth-teller after growing up in a home filled with deceit. We're also teaching Colter that trust depends on honesty. Gary's mother told him, as a young boy, that if he was honest with her, she wouldn't punish him. I'm not willing to go that far, but I do believe the truth shall set you free while lies bind.

So, what do you think? Is honesty a virtue or a vice?

Counting kisses

As Colter was falling asleep last night, he told me "I kissed you 16 times today and I kissed Daddy two times." I think this was his way of comforting me after listing his loves (in order of importance): Daddy, GameCube, me.

ALSO: Posted on DotMoms -- "Loved it as a kid, hate it as a mother"

My assignment

Colter must miss school (he's on spring break) because he gave me homework the other day. Across the top of a sheet of notebook paper, he wrote in careful cursive: "75 words about yourself." Here's what I wrote:

My name is Julie. I am a mother to my son Colter, who is 7 years old. I love him more than anything. I am a wife to Gary who I love more than anything. When I'm not with them, I am either at work -- where I help journalists do their jobs better -- or at home, reading or writing. I also like to watch TV and movies, swim, and play with our cats.

Exactly 75 words! And he didn't think I could do math!

I'd rather...

...be nice to people and be wrong than be mean to people and be right.
...be awake than asleep.
...be late than absent.

I'd rather...
...be loved than liked.
...be liked than hated.
...be rich and thin.

I'd rather...
...my son grew up to be a paleontologist than a mall owner.
...my son grew up close to home than far away.
...my son grew up.

I'd rather...
...eat chocolate than broccoli.
...eat broccoli than ants.
...eat ants than worms.

I'd rather...
...read books than magazines.
...read magazines than newspapers.
...read newspapers than cereal boxes (usually).

I'd rather...
...write nonfiction than fiction.
...write fiction than poetry.
...write poetry than nothing at all.

I'd rather...
...watch soap operas than ESPN.
...watch ESPN than the food channel.
...watch the food channel than reality TV.

I'd rather...
...work than do laundry.
...do laundry than cook.
...cook than clean the house.

I'd rather...
...swim than walk.
...walk than run.
...run than bike.

I'd rather...
...be a mother than a daughter.
...be a daughter than a daughter-in-law.
...be a daughter-in-law than an ex-daughter-in-law.

What would you rather?

Love is a gift

It may not always come wrapped as neatly as we'd like. It may not always arrive on time, when we expect it or want it or need it. Sometimes it comes with the price tags still attached. Yet we hope it is given freely, or not at all. And it hurts when it can't be returned.