Drifting

I have a friend. She was my best friend. Sometimes I still refer to her that way. But probably, I shouldn't. Over the years, we've moved miles apart, switched jobs, raised our children, and worked through things without each other's constant counsel. How do you know when to let go of closeness and when to give a tug on the line?

Comments

[Karen]

I am in the same situation, except that I've been happily married for 15 years and have 3 kids; my "best friend" is on her 3rd marriage and pregnant for the first time. I think it's better that we live a couple of time zones apart; it's not so apparent how different we've become.

[Bianca]

Wao - is like you are reading my mind!
I moved to US 7 years ago and never felt disconnected from my friends and my best friends. After my wedding and after my best friend had her first child - it seems like I have moved away for the very first time. I guess children do change everything. Every time i call she is sleeping or busy or out. It is tough having your first kid and adapting to all the new changes and things in life, I just never thought I will feel so disconected from my friends! I guess also - I use to always write, always call and lately - I keep wondering if it is time to let go.
It is a sad feeling either way!

[Robin]

Wow! Tough question. You have to remember what brought you and your "best friend" together and see if it still applies.
Elissa and I were friends from 1st grade up until we both got married at age 31. When I look back I think we were friends because we were 2 single Jewish girls going to Jewish functions looking to meet Jewish guys. After we got married we didn't really talk much. Then we never talked again. It's been almost 10 years and we don't miss eachother.
Liane and I met when we were 12 yrs old and although we had 7 years where we didn't talk because of a misunderstanding, when we did get back together it was like we were never apart! We were in eachother's weddings. We love eachother unconditionally. She is currently living in South Korea with her husband and 4 year old twins but we are in constant touch! We email during the week and when something urgent comes up she calls me and we have a long chat. We would be lost without eachother. We understand eachother completely and we always have. There will never be a time when she won't be my best friend.
If you don't feel that way about your "best friend" then you might just cherish what you had and don't regret that you have moved on.

[Hope]

That's a hard one. I know what you mean, though. In my case, though, it was time to let go. We still "talk" but are not close (best) friends like we used to be. It saddens me, yet at the same time I know that I've moved on, and so has she.