Gary and Colter had a great week during spring break, and I loved relaxing with them when I finally arrived home (late, as usual), because they were having such a nice time together. Yesterday, Colter returned to school, and it was disastrous.
He came home and said that he was talking out during his time in the gifted program then was disrespectful to a parent who was helping in his regular classroom. Afterschool, his piano lesson was iffy, and when he went outside, he and an older boy (who we said he couldn't play with) began fighting.
After dinner, I thought we'd gotten him resettled. We spent the evening cuddling, watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and commisserating about difficult days. Then, when we went into the bathroom to brush teeth, I discovered he had taken a handful of Q-Tips and flushed them down the toilet. Why? "I wanted you to spend more time with me," he said.
Cue the maternal dirge.
Now, Gary and I both think his explanation was a way of deflecting our attention from his behavior by making me feel bad (he's a smart kid). But still, it stings.
Will I ever feel I spend enough time with him? Will he ever feel I do? Or am I destined to be the family scapegoat, carrying all of our sins into the wilderness of my guilt?
:) I say your little boy knows EXACTLY where your strings are, and HOW to pull them!! ;) LOL
Posted by: Hope | March 30, 2004 at 10:50 PM
Should I start planning Lillianna and Colter's wedding? They sound like 2 peas in a pod! If I ask Lillianna to clean her room and she doesn't feel like it (that's almost daily!) she starts to cry, "I miss Nana.....I miss Nana...." My mom, like every other Jewish Mother, lives in Florida for 6 months of the year. Ok, on the one hand she does miss her. On the other hand...what a crock! What the heck does missing my mother have to do with NOT picking up her toys? Because it plays on my guilt and sympathy. Lillianna is very smart and as you know it is quite difficult to be the mother of one of these children because they LOOK their age but they sure don't act it.
This is what I do with Lillianna...I sit her down and say, "Listen. Missing Nana and picking up your toys are two separate issues." Then I look her in the eyes and say, "I'm on to you. You are hoping I feel bad about Nana and then I forget about the toys, right?" She nods. Then I say, "If you pick up the toys now then you can call Nana and talk to her when you are done." And off she goes to clean. This doesn't happen all the time but it DOES happen!
Perhaps if you tell Colter that when he is feeling he needs more time with you that he can just stand in front of you and say, "Mom, I need some time with you." Only you know what works with him. As for the guilt.......why feel guilty? He is with his dad when you are at work and from what I have read here it sounds like you have a good balance between work and family.
Throw the guilt out the window....who needs it?
Posted by: Robin | March 30, 2004 at 11:21 AM
As mothers, working ones or not; it is somehow our job to carry the guilt, it's our nature.
I feel it every day, and sometimes even worse when I come home and she and dad are having a great evening and laughing about some private joke. (shouldn't I be the one)
But on difficult days, meltdowns, when school work isn't done, or the attitude is showing, I am sure that it's all because I am not at home to guide her through all the details.
We're just normal moms, and kids will be themselves ~ good days and bad days ~ I think, with or without us.
Hang in there.
Posted by: Nancy | March 30, 2004 at 06:04 AM