Mom in the Mirror

What he was thinking...

A Blog is Worth a Thousand Words
by Gary Moos (Julie's husband and Colter's Dad)

I just got home from a six-day business trip to New Orleans, where we worked long hours to produce three live, educational videos for physicians. I won't play the sympathy-seeking victim. I won't lie and claim that my co-workers went out to party, while I stayed back at the hotel pining over Julie and Colter, hundreds of miles away.

Actually, I enjoyed the trip very much. I explored new terrain, discovering some of the most incredibly wonderful foods to ever grace this planet. In fact, according to the restaurant where we ate our traditional "last night dinner," it was the training ground for at least 20 internationally-reknowned chefs, including Emeril Lagasse and Paul Prudhomme. But between the last-minute surprises threatening to ruin our shows, and the 6 a.m. wake-up calls, I missed my family acutely.

After an uneventful return flight, I met Julie in St. Pete to pick up Colter at work and take him home. Upon my arrival we hugged and kissed, lots of hugging and kissing. And then Julie wanted to talk, to get me up to date on Colter's week, all the stuff that you just don't find time to talk about in depth on the phone. She started to report the events of the preceding week, when she stopped and said “well you can read about it on the blog."

I instantly knew that she was right. That reading her blog would be like talking with her. She would be honest and thorough, expressing humorous commentary as well as her deepest feelings, and she would answer most of my questions before I had time to ask. Reading her blog not only helped me catch up on Colter's (and Julie's) week but it made me feel closer to them, and like so many of her readers, it made me applaud.

Reading her blog gives me perspective, it helps me see that which is hidden to me when I'm too close to a particular subject. Unlike talking with her, in her blog she can state her case, or pour out her feelings, without being interrupted by the constant refrain of "Mom can I ________?" (Fill in the blank.)

Reading your comments helps me to continually reaffirm that I am blessed beyond words with a sensitive, smart, fun-loving boy, and a kind, thoughtful wife.

Thank you all for your continual support.

What helps reaffirm your feelings for your family?

From the "What was he thinking?!" files

Gary just returned from six days in New Orleans and it's so great being an intact family again. I hate when he's away and I love when he returns. Colter does, too. Especially because Gary always brings him home something small from his travels, usually a T-shirt or toy. Imagine my surprise when he handed Colter a Voodoo doll last night. Not the kind of anger management tool I would have supplied, but it'll sure be interesting to see whose metaphorical body he starts poking with pins.

Going to work with mom

I used to LOVE going to work with my dad. From the time I was very young, I was happy to be with him at his currency exchange, counting money, photographing checks, recording utility bills people paid, and ordering lunch from our favorite neighborhood Italian place (mostaccioli and meatballs, still a favorite), with a frozen chocolate-covered banana for dessert.

Yesterday, Colter spent some time with me at work for the first time, and he had such a great time, he didn't want to leave, even at 4 p.m.! It's no wonder, really. I work with the coolest people imaginable. One colleague surprised us by bringing in his portable X-Box system (with games) and set it up in my office for Colter to play with. Another played his guitar so Colter could sing. And everyone greeted him with cheers of "Hi Colter!" He felt so comfortable and special.

He was also incredibly well-behaved. He was eager to leave the house so we arrived at work at 8:30 a.m. He watched a half-hour of TV, then spent until lunchtime doing a math workbook, using his Spyrograph and stencils, and playing the X-Box. He was quiet and agreeable. We had lunch with some of Colter's favorite people (my co-workers) and then he played in a courtyard outside my office for awhile until Gary arrived, straight from the airport, to take him home.

Plus, I was more productive than I expected, maybe because there was no part of my mind wandering and wondering what he was doing. He was with me and I loved that. Thankfully, so did he. We might have to make this an annual tradition.

They're on again

Aleshia came to apologize to Colter, who told me, "I'm a big boy now. Next year, I'm going to be 9 and that's getting close to my bar mitzvah, which is when I become a man. I can choose my own friends. I can handle it." How could I argue?

But, I could coach him and role play with him so that he could talk to her about what he expects of a good friend (someone who doesn't gang up on him, someone who doesn't ignore him when other kids are around). And, he was supposed to ask him whether she could be that kind of a friend, or just the kind he played with sometimes, but didn't trust.

She pre-empted most of his plan by apologizing profusely for "being mean to him" and promising to be "a good friend."

He's such a sucker.

But better to be a good kid with a good heart who gets hurt sometimes than a kid who acts badly and hurts others instead.

Related posts:

Love is the opposite of indifference

Before Harry met Sally

Awkward situation

Colter's first kiss

She likes him, she really likes him

How worried should I be?

Let summer begin

Colter made it through his last day of school, received an "excellent" report card and is now officially a rising 3rd-grader. To celebrate, we both had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while watching "The Fairly Odd Parents." For dessert, he had a tuna salad sandwich! Yes, he's feeling better!

The longest nights, the shortest days

No night lasts as long as one during which my son is sick. Colter woke up at 2:47 a.m. this morning, screaming in pain. He said his ear was popping, and over time his yelps grew louder and more frequent. He tried to stay settled and get back to sleep, but it was impossible. He tried to take acetominophen, but it was impossible. He tried everything, but nothing was possible. Except pain. Pain was the only possibility.

Around 5 a.m. he said to me, "Mommy, could I die from this?" Just after I said, "No," he threw up and immediately felt better.

We were at the doctor's office first thing this morning and she said throwing up probably relieved the pressure in his ears. She said he has two infections in one ear (a middle ear infection and an outer ear infection) and one in the other.

We've since been to the pharmacy, and now he's taken his antibiotic and absorbed his ear drops and is nestled in front of the TV where we both plan to nap away the day.

Daytime doesn't last long enough when I'm with Colter.

Love is the opposite of indifference

Colter's only 8 and I already feel totally unable to help him navigate his social world.

His best female friend is so fickle and boy-crazy, she keeps ditching him for boys who want to be more than friends. Her best female friend follows her. So, Colter is left to follow them or feel rejected or both.

Yesterday, they were outside playing hide and seek when the boy-of-the-moment started chasing Colter; the girl and her friend followed his lead, and Colter felt completely ganged up on. He came inside for a drink and when I asked him what was going on, he started crying.

We talked for awhile and he finally came to the conclusion that they just couldn't be good friends anymore. I supported him, so he decided to go outside and tell them, which he did. Then, he came back inside.

After some time passed, he said, "Aleshia follows after any boy who likes her. She's never going to find the perfect boy. And she's never going to stop looking." I hugged him and praised his insight. And yet felt so sad for him. What's a mom to do?

In the news

Here are a few stories about life on the homefront that caught my eye recently:

• Low expectations may make happier marriages
  For some newlywed couples, it may be better to expect difficult times rather than anticipate a rosy future of wedded bliss, according to a new study.
• Behavior trouble may follow early spanking
  Some toddlers who are often spanked appear to be more likely to have behavioral problems when they get older, researchers report. In a new study, behavior problems at school age were substantially more common in white non-Hispanic children who were spanked frequently before age 2 than among those who were not spanked very often. (See also this Salon article)
• Study: Success won't spoil women's marriage prospects
  Contrary to popular belief, highly educated women are now more likely to marry than they were in 1980, says an economist at the University of Washington. (Also, listen to this NPR story)
• Feds to loosen limits on single-sex education
  Public schools are about to get broad new freedom to teach boys and girls separately, perhaps the biggest shakeup to coed classrooms in three decades.
• Does catty gossip help women snare a mate?
  Women who are ovulating find other women less attractive says Canadian research But not everyone is convinced this means women put down other women's attractiveness as part of a competition for men.

This wasn't in the news, but I really enjoyed it: "Everything I know about life I learned from drawing"

Is motherhood trendy?

BlogPulse can do trend analysis on terms, so I searched "mom," "mother," and "parent" and discovered that fewer than 10 percent of blogs refer to those subjects. There's an interesting spike in May, though. Any ideas why?

Spelling bee

Throughout the school year, we have spent part of many mornings reviewing Colter's spelling words. He always passed his Friday tests beautifully, usually getting all of the words right. Tomorrow, he has his first spelling bee, which will draw from all the year's words. The only difference is that he's never had to spell the words out loud before (except at the breakfast table). Here's one exchange from several months ago:

Gary: Heavy
Colter: H-e-r-a-y
Gary: There's an "r"?
Colter: H-e-v-a-y... No wait. H-e-v-y. No. H-e-a-v-y.

What word do you have the most trouble spelling?