Aleshia came to apologize to Colter, who told me, "I'm a big boy now. Next year, I'm going to be 9 and that's getting close to my bar mitzvah, which is when I become a man. I can choose my own friends. I can handle it." How could I argue?
But, I could coach him and role play with him so that he could talk to her about what he expects of a good friend (someone who doesn't gang up on him, someone who doesn't ignore him when other kids are around). And, he was supposed to ask him whether she could be that kind of a friend, or just the kind he played with sometimes, but didn't trust.
She pre-empted most of his plan by apologizing profusely for "being mean to him" and promising to be "a good friend."
He's such a sucker.
But better to be a good kid with a good heart who gets hurt sometimes than a kid who acts badly and hurts others instead.
Related posts:
This will probably go back and forth for many years to come. Colter has made it clear that he will handle things so just keep guiding him softly and be there when he needs reassurance. I will send you a box of tissues if I don't use them all up myself!
Posted by: Robin | May 20, 2004 at 09:28 PM
Glad things worked out. I think it's good to let them learn now how things aren't always rosy in friendships. :)
Posted by: Tiff | May 19, 2004 at 03:18 PM
It's so hard, isn't it, trying not to interfere, and let them handle these things on their own...
Posted by: Theresa | May 19, 2004 at 02:44 PM
Ahh eventually he will learn! Glad to hear that things are going better for him. You are a good Mom and the best way for kids to learn is by example. They learn from our relationships.
Posted by: Angie | May 19, 2004 at 11:44 AM
I'm glad things are better,for the time being.I hope Colter learns that fine line between being a loyal and good friend without being walked over.Thats hard for polite kids to learn.
Posted by: Emily | May 19, 2004 at 08:58 AM
I love your commentary on parenting.
I learn something every week from your posts!
Posted by: Nancy | May 19, 2004 at 07:39 AM