Mom in the Mirror

Overheard

It's lunchtime today and I'm standing in line ordering a sandwich at a little bistro when a mom comes in with her 4- or 5-year-old son. They get behind me and she asks him, "Do you want an iced cappucino?" I can't help myself, I turn around and look at them. "Does your tummy feel up to it?" she asks.

I say nothing, of course, but wonder why one would give any child CAFFEINE. Especially one with an upset stomach.

He thinks. She says, "Warm milk would be good for your tummy." Wait, didn't she ask him if he wanted an ICED cappucino? That's not warm.

He says, "Yes." Then, seconds later, he says "I think I want juice instead."

Good for him!, I think. What a smart boy.

I sit down to wait for my order and they sit down at the table next to me.

He says, "I think this drink was a much better choice." I look at his drink. It is an Orangina, which is 12 percent juice (with 2 percent pulp, if that counts).

I'm trying hard not to be judgmental, so someone explain to me how it makes sense to encourage a child to drink coffee and then give him something other than juice when that's what he wants.

Maybe I have no perspective on this because Colter thinks fizz is spicy and has never had any interest in sodas, let alone cappucino! And given his temperament I would sooner give him cognac than caffeine.

What are your kids drinking?

"Nest to impress"

An article in The Arizona Republic captures a consumer craze that will be responsible for $3 billion in baby expenses by 2006, according to a New York market research company cited in the piece.

Do you know this baby?

In a day of working moms with more money and a little absentee guilt, of older parents who are rested, invested and now cashing in on $799 sleigh cribs at Pottery Barn Kids, many babies are born with silver spoons in their mouth, indeed. They sleep (and drool) on $1,300 silk crib bedding. They're wheeled about in $729 strollers. They dress in $207 Burberry plaid dresses that they're not allowed to eat in. And in one Ahwatukee nursery, the windows are covered by $5,000 drapes.

Do you know this mother?

Though this craze is fed mainly by disposable income, it also is fueled by something else: a little motherly competition. It used to be those silent, darty-eyed comparisons: My baby is cuter than yours. But now there are unspoken awards for best nest, with women hosting showers to unveil their nurseries. (And, yes, these are at their own homes as etiquette is nothing in the face of custom toile curtains that need to be praised.)

Whose artist painted the best mural? Whose baby boy got the $49 Gymboree peacoat (that he will wear twice)? And, of course, props to she who has best replicated Pottery Barn Kids, the store and catalog that causes estrogen to rise with every turn of the page. (About 68,000 moms signed up for the gift registry there last year.) In those nurseries, the diaper pail is always empty, the laundry magically done, and Mom surely got eight hours of sleep. Who wouldn't want to buy into that? ...

(A downside of the motherly competition: You also compete with yourself. Was Petite Chateau in Phoenix doing the Tuscan crib with your first one? And had you seen the $1,175 round crib in Scottsdale's Baby Couture and Caviar Kids?)

Is she you?

This Day and that

Tomorrow -- June 29 -- is "This Day," when 500 women around the world will chronicle an average Tuesday to learn who we are individually and collectively. There will be similarities that unite us and differences that divide us. Here are a few descriptions of the women:

There is the safari guide in Africa who left the glamour of a New York City advertising career to follow her calling. The at-home mom of three who aptly lists her job description as "BUSY!" The lawyer who took her practice on the road to help victims of abuse in rural communities ... An Olympic athlete ... A customer service rep for a winery ... A 91-year-old participant in Maryland.

We live in suburbs, on farms, in uptown lofts, in homeless shelters and on U.S. battleships, in 15 countries from Afghanistan and Iraq to Japan and Moscow, and in households in every state across America.

Two years ago, the project was published as "This Day: Diaries from American Women." You can learn more about this year's plans here.

Learning to love surprises

I've been surprised by birthday parties twice in my life and hated both. I've thrown several surprise parties for others and loved the experience. I can only assume this discrepancy reflects my desire -- my NEED -- to control events, and if I can't control them to at least know what's going to happen and when.

So it surprised me to discover this week how much fun the unexpected can be.

First, a late birthday package arrived from a friend. It contained this computer monitor mobile that I'd seen while shopping with her during a recent visit. I wanted it so badly, at the time, but couldn't bring myself to buy it. Receiving it unexpectedly was such a thrill because it reminded me of how attentive she is and plus, I LOVE IT in a way I wouldn't if I had simply bought it when the impulse struck.

Then, I arrived home Friday afternoon to an excited Colter and Gary who asked me to close my eyes and be guided into the study, where they showed me some wooden bookshelves they'd built for the computer area. (Do you detect a theme? My life revolves around computers.) It was all the more thrilling because I had no idea Gary actually heard me complain about how messy that space had become and because they built them TOGETHER while Colter was home sick (imagine how healing it was for him to use a power drill for the first time).

OK, you say, it's easy to enjoy GOOD surprises. Maybe for others, but not always for me. And anyway, it was my reaction to this week's unpleasant surprise that surprised me the most.

I have been watching one of my front tires lose air for the last few months. I fill it once in a while and try to remember I need to get it replaced, but: no urgency, no action. So, I spent Saturday morning at Barnes and Noble doing my usual browsing and buying while Gary and Colter sorted through Yu-Gi-Oh cards at home. When I was done, I got in my car, started to leave the parking lot, and bump-bump-bump. I calmly re-parked the car and got out to see the front tire entirely flat.

Now, I could have spent the rest of the day engaged in self-loathing -- after all, I KNEW this was going to happen at some point and didn't prevent it. Instead, I called Gary and let him know what had happened. I returned to Barnes & Noble and asked about a tire place nearby that Gary had called for me, and they kindly advised me to head somewhere a litle closer, just around the corner, in fact.

I did -- bump-bump-bump -- and was amazed that they were charging a reasonable price for two new front tires and there was no wait. Gary and Colter arrived soon after I settled in the waiting area and before long we were back on the road, headed to a comic book store Colter had been wanting to check out.

Which is all a long way of saying: there's a freedom and excitement in not knowing and I'm learning to love it.

Oooooh, scary!

I've always been amazed by the things Colter finds scary; they're never what I'd expect. We'll be watching "Lizzie McGuire" and suddenly there's dramatic tension and he's running out of the room, terrified. Last night we were watching the Rugrats All Grown Up movie "Interview with a Campfire" and Colter kept covering his head with the blanket and shrieking, he was so afraid. Usually we avoid movies like the new Harry Potter in theatres because he'd rather rent them when they come out on DVD and fast forward through the disturbing parts.

I asked him this morning what frightens him and here's what he said:

Dogs

Frankenstein

Zombies

Vampires

Skeletons and dead people

This is my list of what scares me, posted on DotMoms (you can read more of my DotMoms postings here).

What scares you? What scares your kids?

Whatever happened to summer reading?

I packed only the essentials for a recent family beach vacation: toothbrush, bathing suit, books.

Wait, where are my beach books?

I'm a yearlong reader, but there's something about the smell of suntan oil that takes me back to summers I spent immersed in the worlds of Judith Krantz and Danielle Steele.

I drank in those popular paperbacks like they were iced tea on a hot day. I looked forward to the thick, sexy novels even when my beach was a rooftop in Chicago or New York City.

They were a guilty pleasure, since I knew I should have been working through the reading list I received on the last day of school instead.

These beach books became a kind of liberation -- a way to rebel against teachers and their literary conventions, against the idea that there were books I should read and others less worthy of my time.

Now that I'm out of school, I don't force-feed myself a diet of nonfiction and classics nine months of the year and indulge in the hot fudge sundae of popular fiction only during the steamy months of summer.

What I've read this summer The Tarnished Eye : Fascinating police procedural. My Sister's Keeper : One of the best books I've ever read. Death Gets a Time-Out : Light mystery with mom heroine. The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It : An exploration of love and death. Raising a Reader : "A mother's tale of desperation and delight." Elegance : Surprisingly complex novel. No Second Chance : Suspenseful writing -- good for late summer nights. The Devil Wears Prada : Fiction based on the author's job at Vogue. What are you reading?

I read what I want when I want.

But still, when May rolls around I look for something special. Something I can't find much anymore.

No matter how hard I look I can't find a blockbuster summer book (unless you count Bill Clinton's "My Life," which I don't). All I can find are novels about 20- or 30-something single women with nasty bosses and too few dates.

Don't misunderstand, I love chick lit. I love most books, except science fiction. But I'm wondering what happened to summer reading.

I'm looking for a few good beach books and having to sift through a lot of sandy, empty shells before finding the pearls I seek.

Fortunately, I don't mind the hunt. I love bookstores and am forever browsing in them. I collect bookmarks, bookplates, anything book-related, so the search is almost as fun as the bounty at the end of it. In fact, some of my favorite books are about the process of finding and enjoying a good read.

"So Many Books, So Little Time" by Sara Nelson details a year in the life of one reader -- what she intends to read, what she actually reads or re-reads, and how her literary life and literal life intersect. She writes about some great books that could find a place in my beach bag, or yours.

I also really enjoyed "Used and Rare" by Nancy and Lawrence Goldstone. They write about book collecting, which begins as a birthday bet, then takes them on an unexpected journey, along with their young child.

Summer can be a magical time for reading with a child.

Because of my aversion to school-sponsored summer reading lists, I was surprised to discover my son eagerly awaiting them after kindergarten and first grade. In fact, he was disappointed when he didn't receive one this year to bridge the learning between second and third grade.

So, he's reading comic books and GameCube strategy guides instead. But at least he's reading.

"Like so many of the things we do as parents, raising readers happens in bursts of delight and desperation, in the push and pull of digging in and letting go, day in and day out, both because of and in spite of our efforts," says author Jennie Nash in "Raising a Reader."

I agree. In fact, my husband and I live by this reading rule: We let our son read whatever he wants (as long as it's PG-rated). It's the act of reading -- not the reading matter -- that makes a difference.

If you're looking for a few fun reads for pre-school and elementary school aged students, I recommend "Library Lil" and anything by the husband-wife team of Jon Buller and Susan Schade.

There are also lists of books for young readers, including this one from the International Reading Association and this one from the American Library Association.

There are similar lists for older readers, with "pages of pleasure" (as NPR's Susan Stamberg describes them). Two of the more interesting ones are by authors and by The Great Books Foundation.

I'm planning to use these lists to remind me of what I may have overlooked in the past, so that I'm less dependent on the new releases.

But I refuse to let them make me feel guilty.

What's true for kids is true for adults: It matters more that you read and less what you read about.

This LifeFiles column originally appeared on about 70 TV station websites managed by Internet Broadcasting Systems.

Slowdown in the express lane

It really annoys me when people unload more than 10 items in the express lane at the grocery store. Especially when they have some bizarre justification for it ("I know there are 15, but several are the same item, so it doesn't count."). It bothers me because I did the same thing years ago and now I actually wait in the longer lines because it seems only fair. And it bothers me because when I'm in the express lane it usually means I'm in a hurry.

What are your grocery store pet peeves?

Jewish wisdom from an 8-year-old soul

Colter is going to a Jewish Community Center camp this summer, which means he swims twice a day, goes on field trips, and learns about Judaism.

This morning I found a sheet he completed there about the "Pirke Avot," a collection of wise Rabbinic sayings.

The kids circled three sayings (out of 10) they thought were most important then explained what they thought the saying meant.

What Colter circled:	What it meant to him:
Say little, do much.	Don't talk, walk.
Who is wise? He who learns from all people.	Listen to people.
Before you judge your neighbor, put yourself in his place.	Be your neighbor.

Is it any wonder I love this boy?

The family that blogs together...

Yesterday I told you that Gary started a weblog (yes, Colter's next). Then, I discovered Josephine, who contributes to a blog she started for her dad. Interestingly, her mom sometimes contributes, too.

How many members of your (immediate and extended) family blog?

A blog of his own

My husband has joined the blogosphere! He explains why in his very first post.