Two years ago today, my father died. I have many wonderful memories of him -- screaming at the players (in person or on TV) during Chicago Bears games, taking a drive in the car, listening to Buddy Rich at the Milwaukee Summerfest. And a few less-than-wonderful memories, one of the most vivid being a phone conversation we had while I was away at college, when he told me, "Love is sacrifice."
At the time, it felt like a slap in the face, like an accusation that he loved me more than I loved him because he gave me more than I could -- or would -- give him. Almost 20 years later I now understand he was simply stating a fact. Part of parenting is sacrificing for your child, and those sacrifices are a loving act, however unrequited.
My father did sacrifice for me, and while I will always be more grateful than he perhaps knew for the education he afforded me and the lifestyle he provided, that wasn't what I loved most about him. I loved him for who he was, for what he loved: bing cherry ice cream, chocolate ice cream, ice cream bars fresh from the Dove store, Good Humor ice cream bars fresh from the truck, any kind of ice cream, the city of Chicago, the architecture, the theatre, Maxwell Street, Vienna hot dogs and polish sausages, Bridgeport, politics, jazz, Lake Michigan, Navy Pier, Da Bears, the Bulls, the Sox, those cows, L'escargot, Rocky's, Mike Royko, Crain's Chicago Business, the Chicago Sun-Times, the Chicago Tribune, talk radio, my mom, my sister, my brother, my stepmother, her children, their children, his parents, his brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, their children. He was a man of tremendous love and that love is still with us.
I love you, Dad. Always.
Related: When Gravity Lets Us Down
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Posted by: Wallace | July 29, 2007 at 05:09 AM
My dad passed away 11 Weeks ago, and they still dont know what happened! Theres alot of pain I have beacause I feel like I cant even try and get better untill I really know what killed him....... I think the hardest part for me tho, was i was with a guy and we were talkin about gettin married, The first thing I thought about was My dad wont be there....sadly it didnt work out with the boy and I. Im only 19 years Old and I feel like Now I have to take over his job, Im the baby In the family, but I have to now make sure Everything is takin care of. Its just so Hard to deal with,
so i somewhat know what your goin through But then again I dont....I have no clue how close you are ur dad were....Im not goin to tell you Im sorry, I know shit like that NEVER helped me out, but what I will say Is just think about all the good times! Its helping me slowly!
Posted by: Lizz | May 09, 2007 at 12:03 PM
my dad just passed away and it was sudden...we don't know why. i miss him so much and its only be a couple of weeks. i keep myself busy but i haven't allowed myself time to grieve. i have a lot of pain that i'm trying to avoid. i miss him so much we were emotionally close. i talked to him everyday. i could always vent out to him and tell him anything. daddy i miss u so much and would do anything to bring u back. i love you always.
Posted by: Elizabeth | September 21, 2006 at 12:40 PM
im sorry to hear about ur dad, my dad died 3 months ago and im only 15 .. i miss him so much no1 understands .. i wish he could just come back .. its so hard
Posted by: jasmina | August 13, 2006 at 09:01 PM
It's been a little over 2 years and I still break down sobbing every couple of weeks ago because he's gone and I miss him so. I guess part of what I miss so bad is that he had been gone so much of our lives and now that will never change. He left my mom when I was 11. Some weekends, a few weeks during the summer - he chose to be true to himself and get out of a bad marriage and he chose this over us. Do I blame him? Sometimes, but mostly not. We were on the periphery of his life. Not that he didn't love us - I think he did. But I do have feelings of abandonment and I do miss him so.
Posted by: Sarah | May 13, 2006 at 01:57 AM
im sooo sorry about your dad but it is hard to get over it dont worry
Posted by: stacie | May 10, 2006 at 11:13 AM
my dad died when i was just 10, 7 years ago. We were in a car crash and he was in a coma for 2weeks. i miss him so much and ive now got a beautiful little girl that'll he'll never hold or play with, but i know he'll be proud of me, where ever he is i know hes with me cos hes still in my heart n always will be. ill never stop grieving for him. I love u daddy with all my heart n id do anythink to have u back. i miss you.... Love foreva your little princess Rachel x x x x x x
Posted by: Rachel | February 24, 2006 at 08:29 PM
When does the pain end? They say it gets easier as time goes by. Yet each day I continue to cry. I remember the good times. I cry. I remember the bad times. I cry. When will this pain end? The things that brought enjoyment to me no longer do. A song on the radio reminds me of you. I cry. You were my whole reason for living. You gave me a purpose in life. I loved taking care of my best bud, my dad. There is a void in my life . I was not ready to say goodbye. If there truly is a heaven, I know you are touching everyone's lives there as you did here on earth. So when does this pain end?....When I meet my best bud, my dad in heaven.......
Posted by: Chuck | August 22, 2005 at 08:58 PM
It's funny how I stumbled onto this. My wife and I are soon expecting our first baby. I have been very sadd lately b/c my father passed away 4/21/04. My father will never know my baby he will never get to hold him/her, and worse yet my baby will never know what a great man my father was. Your father reminds me a lot of mine however they would sit on opposite benches. Dad was a HUGE STL Cardinal fan. Last year when he was in the hospital fighting for his life we told him we were worried about the Cards season and he would tell us not to worry it's still early in the season. They will come back. Well any baseball fan out there knows they came back in force only to loose it in the end. I miss him so very much and I don't know if it will ever get better. I am very scared of the delivery day such a joyous time and I will be deeply saddened with the absence of our Opa.
Posted by: Keith | March 25, 2005 at 10:39 AM
MY DADDY IS GUNNA BE GONE ALMOST THREE YRS THIS FEB I MISS HIM SO SO MUCH I SAID SOME THINGS TO HIM I NOW REGRET AND FEEL GUILTY FOR BUT I KNOW HE STILL LOVES ME ALONG W/ YOU DAD I MISS ALL THE MEMORIES SOME THINGS YOU SAID HAD ME THINKING BACK ! SORRY FOT YOU LOSS!
Posted by: shannen | January 14, 2005 at 02:14 AM
I hope you have this lovely tribute written down someplace more permanent than a blog. That is something you don't want to lose.
Posted by: VJ | July 20, 2004 at 11:38 PM
What a sweet tribute.
Posted by: Terry | July 18, 2004 at 05:48 AM
That was such a lovely tribute. My dad will have been gone 17 years in September. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday. Be glad you had such wonderful memories of him. That will always keep him alive for you and for Colter.
Lillianna never knew my dad or Rich's dad but we keep them alive because they were wonderful, caring, loving people and Lillianna has to know about them.
Posted by: RobinP | July 17, 2004 at 04:31 PM
What a lovely post.
Posted by: Philip | July 17, 2004 at 11:46 AM
I miss him too! He was my wonderful big brother, and I remember his generosity and warmth and humor. Love, Fagy
Posted by: fran manushkin | July 17, 2004 at 01:50 AM
Wow. That was so good. He sounds like a great guy! Your dad would have been proud to read this, I betcha.
Posted by: Amy | July 16, 2004 at 08:42 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 11 years ago and I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone to call him and tell him about the latest things the girls have done.
Posted by: Mad | July 16, 2004 at 06:11 PM
I'm sorry about your father.It sounds like ya'll made many wonderful memories together.
Posted by: Emily | July 16, 2004 at 11:13 AM