Mom in the Mirror

The choices we make, the toll they take

This is how I measure success these days: While Gary was traveling to San Francisco and New Orleans for 5 days' work, I only fed Colter one Kid Cuisine; I only yelled once; And I only heard "You're a bad mommy twice" -- both undeserved.

OK, so I let him do his math homework in the morning, instead of the night before. I also managed a sleepover this past weekend followed by three days of taking him to school without arriving late to work.

I can't know whether my son will grow up and remember only the time I spent on the computer instead of with him.

I can't know whether he'll be emotionally scarred by the time I screamed at him because he looked me in the eye then flushed a cardboard toilet paper roll down the toilet.

I can't know whether the time he spends watching TV will dull his senses or sharpen his imagination and motivation to create video games and become a billionaire.

What I do know is that I make the best choices I can for myself and for him, and I am willing to live with whatever happens next.

I know he loves me. I know he knows I love him. And I hope that is enough.

Writer's block at age 8

Colter's homework yesterday was to spend 25 minutes writing based on this prompt:

What if clouds were made of marshmallow goo?
Consider all of the problems that would happen if someone got caught in a marshmallow goo rainstorm! Pretend that you live on a planet where it always rains marshmallow goo. Write a story about life on your planet and what it's like getting caught in one of these sticky storms. Remember to use vivid verbs and interesting adjectives in your story. Try to make the reader experience a marshmallow goo rainstorm.

We agreed he would start at 5:30 p.m. But he didn't. He fussed and complained and did everything but sit down and start writing. Finally, I told him it was his homework, his grade, his choice. He could either do his homework or go to his room until he did it. After 30 minutes in his room, he came out and ate dinner.

While he ate, I asked him, "So are you going to lose Friday free time if you don't do your homework?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you going to lose Friday free time every week?" He said, "No. I'll get used to doing the writing." So I asked, "How? How will you get used to it if you don't do it?" He replied, "Who said I wasn't doing my homework?"

Shortly after, he sat down and did it.

Next time you have writer's block, spend 25 minutes crafting something based on the prompt above and post it to the comments here.

Have you ever had writer's block? What do you do to break through it?

My inner domestic goddess awakens

I once loved to clean. I enjoyed straightening my books, dusting my picture frames, vacuuming. There was nothing like the feeling of having a thoroughly organized house. Those days ended when Colter was born. Ever since, cleaning has been low on my list of priorities.

But this weekend, my inner domestic goddess awakened, and I found myself scrubbing toilets, Windexing mirrors, and eliminating crumbs and other dirt from beneath the dining room table.

It was so nice to meet myself in this way (I thought my inner domestic goddess had run screaming from my body and firmly planted herself elsewhere). It was almost as nice as walking around my sparkly clean home, with no dishes in the sink, no gunk on the kitchen floor, no toothpaste in the bathroom sink.

Next week, maybe I'll learn to cook.

Color me satisfied

It was almost exactly 101 years ago that Crayola introduced its first crayons. There were eight colors then; now there are 120.

This weekend, Colter asked me to color with him, and I did. I had forgotten how much fun it can be to draw. As my 8-year-old son and I sat together and quietly talked, I realized that this seemingly simple activity can teach patience, creativity and storytelling.

That same afternoon, a friend of Colter's came over and they colored. As they were drawing pictures of their favorite cartoon characters, they decided to create a comic book. Then they decided to sell these comic books for 25 cents each.

Crayola started with eight colors, maybe these budding authors can start with eight pages.

What's your favorite Crayola color? (Click here for the top 50)

Are you a Tampa Bay area mom?

I'm looking for some moms who live in or around Tampa, St. Petersburg, Clearwater (Florida) to write for a blog that will be published online at TampaBay.com and in the St. Petersburg Times' new publication, tbt*. If you're interested, please e-mail me at [email protected]. If you know someone who might be interested, please ask her to send me an e-mail.

Dreams are free

Colter loves to get mail, so I always give him anything that arrives with his name on it, including catalogs. He recently received one from FAO Schwarz that amazed me.

I've been in the FAO Schwarz store in New York City and in others around the U.S. And I know its reputation for expensive toys. But I have never seen anything like this:

• A custom playhouse that has more amenities than our new home (price: $30,000 and up)


• A "monkey mansion" tree house, tree included (price: $12,000)


• A mini-Mercedes, gas-powered (price: $15,000)

By the time we got to the catalog page with the roller coaster motion simulator (available for $300,000), I wasn't even surprised. And the Versace Barbie (at $130) looked downright reasonably priced to me.

In fact, when my son said if he could have anything in the catalog he'd want an $85 video game, I was ready to hand him my credit card. (Now there's a boy who doesn't enjoy wanting what he can't have.)

What is the most expensive purchase you have made for your child?

The costume conundrum

Each October, I face the same dilemma. I hate store-bought Halloween costumes (they're itchy, fake and boring), but I can't sew. When Colter was younger, we could cobble costumes together. One year he was a train conductor, another year he was a Jedi knight.

But this year, he wants to be Yu-Gi-Oh! He's not alone -- 351,836 other kids also expect to dress up as the anime card shark.

Yu-Gi-Oh is the 14th most popular costume. The most popular this year is Spiderman, with 2.15 million children planning to masquerade as the comic book and cinematic hero, according to a survey done recently by the National Retail Federation.

Kids clearly have fickle tastes. I remember a year when Harry Potters popped up on every corner we turned while trick or treating. This year, he ranks 17th, just below Barbie.

But while popularity waxes and wanes with the phases of the moon, costume prices grow scarier every year.

Who or what will your child(ren) be for Halloween? And, will you make or buy the costume?

Today is Walk to School day

I walked to elementary school almost every day of my young life, while growing up in a suburb of Chicago. My 8-year-old son Colter has never walked to school. But today, he will. Sort of.

It is International Walk to School Day, with more than three million people from 36 countries around the world planning to get to school the old-fashioned way: by foot.

Here's a sign of how far we've come -- literally -- since the days when I walked to school: my son's school is encouraging people to park at a nearby church and then walk a short distance to the school, since the majority cannot walk from their own homes and arrive on time.

Perhaps this geography gap between home and school is one reason why, in 2001, "less than 16 percent of students between the ages of 5 and 15 walked or biked to or from school." In contrast, "in 1969, 48 percent of students walked or biked to school," according to statistics provided by the Walk to School Day website.

Organizers hope the day will remind kids and parents how easy it can be to work a little physical activity into a child's routine.

For me, it's a nostalgic reminder of the days when your best friend lived next door and your school was just around the corner.

How do your kids get to school? Do they:

Walk (with you, with sibling(s) or friends, alone)?

Bike

Arrive in your car

Carpool

Take the bus

Related: Scared of school buses

"Stop yelling at me!"

Scene: Our living room.
Perspective: I walk through this morning and discover Colter lying on the floor watching TV. Half of his body is underneath the coffee table, on which sits a plate with an egg and cinnamon toast that Gary just prepared for Colter's breakfast.
Dialogue:

Me: Colter, eat your egg.
Colter is startled by my sudden presence (I was in the study quietly typing just before) and knocks the plate with his knee.
Colter: Stop yelling at me!

I turn off the TV and explain that I wasn't yelling at him. That if I was speaking loudly it was to get his attention because he was so involved in cartoons. I also explain that he was startled not by the volume of my voice but by the rattling of the plate when he accidentally knocked it.

He apologized and I let him know I just wanted him to be able to tell the difference between someone yelling at him out of anger and someone trying to get his attention.

One of the great ironies of our home is that Colter will often say, "Stop yelling at me!" and I almost never yell at him.

I grew up in a home where arguing was a blood sport and it's important to me that we talk things through calmly. But Colter has no reference other than his easily-hurt feelings and his perceptions.

How often do you yell at your children? How often do they think you yell?

What is it about Wednesdays?

I was just flipping through my son Colter's school agenda and noticed that most Wednesdays this year he has received a "yellow" for his behavior (that means he received one warning from the teacher then had to turn his card from green, where it starts the day).

Gary remembers the same pattern last year.

Typically, Colter receives the yellows for what I consider relatively trivial transgressions -- most often, talking in the hall.

But why Wednesdays?

I know adults think of it as "hump day" because it's midweek, but I can't find any psychological work on the subject. The closest is this article from Psychology Today called "If it's Thursday, ask for a raise."

The author writes that we start the week feeling demanding and disagreeable, with the unpleasantness peaking on Wednesdays.

Have you noticed days of the week that are more difficult for your child? If so, what are they and what do you do to help your child through those days?