When helping hurts

I always thought it was a good thing to help my son. But when he was a toddler, I learned that one of the best ways to help your child is to encourage him to do for himself what he can. So, I let him spill -- I mean, pour -- his own juice, tie his own shoes (no matter how long it took), and pick out his own clothes.

As he grew older, he wanted to do less and less. "Mommy, I'm thirsty," he'd yell to me from the couch. "Mommy, can you get my pajamas?," he'd ask while brushing his teeth.

As the challenges he faced grew more complicated, I'd gladly accommodate him when I could, because I wanted to reserve "no" for lessons larger than laziness.

This approach has worked relatively well for us as a family.

So imagine my chagrin when his teacher -- at a conference last week -- relayed this anecdote:

Colter took a Band-Aid out of the cabinet in his classroom, put it on his cut, and let the paper trail fall behind him as he returned to his desk. When his teacher asked him, "Would you do that at home?" He said, "Yes, my mom picks up after me."

Does your "helping" ever backfire?

Comments

[trisha]

Well, my son, who is three-and-a-half, cannot talk, so this is always a challenge. lately, he is able to understand what we are asking, and he loves to help.

[Chrishawn]

Yeah, I am making my 4 year old do things for himself. Like pick up after himself, get his things, you get the picture. But sometimes it's so overwhelming cause I am saying it like a million times and then I just go clean it up myself. I am such a clean freak and it gets on my last nerve to see stuff just lying around with no apparent purpose. Whatsoever. It's just wrong.

[danielle]

Loved your entry...! At 3 year old, my little one is already having me be his go-pher..."Mama, pls. get my pillow...and oh, don't forget the blankie too!"
Geesh, who's the boss here??

[emily]

Ohhhh...poor you.
I'm in the process of doing damage control here as well.My middle daughter still hates to do things for herself.I have to make her pick up after herself...and oh she hates it.

[Shelly]

Oh boy does that sound familiar! I keep after my boys to pick up after themselves and I must say it a million times! However, after I have nearly killed myself on a lego or two, or hangers Paul has left on the floor, I just go in there and clean up. Sean has a difficult time cleaning up at school-oopps!
Now if I do clean up their room, I have them wash the walls or windows. Paul will get to do dishes or clean out the van or clean the bathroom after Daniel has usesd it.(He manages to 'hose' down the entire place when he is in there. We clean it after he has been in there!)