Short wedding, long marriage

I love my husband.

Is that old-fashioned?

And yet I'm such a modern wife and mother.

I work long hours and spend the time that's left with my family, even though they come first in my heart.

This story started November 12, 1995. That's the day I got married. But since I was already pregnant with our son, I guess you could say it started a few months earlier.

Actually, my husband and I lived together for several years before deciding to wed, and in fact, we would have waited, except that it was important to my future mother-in-law that we be married when our child was born.

So, I had the gown fitted, the cake ordered, the bells ready to ring in this new era of our lives.

But getting to the altar -- actually, in our case, the chuppah -- was complicated. Isn't it always?

We couldn't find a rabbi who would perform the ceremony (I am Jewish, my husband is not). We couldn't find a location we liked that had an airport nearby so my parents could fly in easily from Chicago. We couldn't be sure I'd be able to take time off from a new job working at a TV station (our wedding date was during a ratings period, when no one is allowed vacation).

Eventually, details were resolved, the anxiety passed, and we found ourselves standing side by side one sunny, startling Saturday morning. We were surrounded by siblings and friends, holding the canopy above us. Seated behind us were our families and more friends.

I don't remember much about our wedding ceremony -- it only lasted 15 minutes, a half-hour maybe -- but I do remember the moment it ended. Gary and I walked down the aisle to the song "May you never" and began our lives as husband and wife. We were married.

Those 15 wonderful minutes began the best nine years of my life, so far.

I love my husband. More than ever. I love being married to him. I often find myself looking at my wedding band, the words engraved on my ring and on my days: "I carry your heart with me."

Everywhere I go, you go, my dear.

Don't misunderstand me. Gary and I have had problems -- overwhelming, challenging, debilitating problems at times: financial, emotional, geographical. We filed and survived bankruptcy; we are raising a very challenging child together; and we left an area we loved so that I could accept a job that would be better for all of us, even though it meant my husband would be farther from his parents and his own work.

But our union has strengthened, just as it has strengthened us. It has boosted our immune system -- the more we are exposed to, the more we can fight off.

It would be tempting fate to say there is nothing we could not survive together. And it is probably untrue. I have seen marriages destroyed by the death of a child, by selfishness, by disinterest.

But there is nothing I want to go through without my husband. And nothing I want him to go through without me.

Just this week, we moved into a new home. For the last two months, Gary has spent all of his time knocking through ceilings, exposing beams, eliminating and rebuilding walls, ripping out carpet, putting in hardwood floor, painting. He has been making us a home.

He spilled blood and sweat (the tears were mine), and now, we live among boxes filled with toys, memories, hope. And a few wedding pictures.

This LifeFiles column originally appeared on about 70 TV station websites managed by Internet Broadcasting Systems.

Comments

[RobinP]

I am always happy to find couples who take marriage seriously. The trend is to have a disposable marriage. If it isn't blissful every day then get a divorce and try again.
Rich and I have been through many of the things you and Gary have survived. It's not fun but it does make you stronger as a couple. It's all worth it!
Our marriage survived a 6 month separation last year. I was sure it would end in divorce but luckily Rich realized what we had and with counseling our marriage is better than ever!

[Shelly]

Absolutely beautiful!

[Kurra]

Hello, I noticed that you have linked my website. Which is wonderful :-) I was just wondering how you came across it?

[Carrie]

Oh, bless your heart. I know what you mean, and I couldn't agree more! I just celebrated my 4th anniversary with the most wonderful husband in my world. He is my everything and I take him for granted far too often.

I love what you have engraved in your ring. I had "All my love forever" engraved in Matt's band.

I don't think it is old fashioned at all. I think it is simply wonderful.

Thank you for sharing this post. I think I will go give my husband an extra kiss.

Care

[Amy]

Lovely!!

[Auntie M]

What a nice entry about your husband.. especially since you went through such a traumatic time this month moving. It's a time that could either bring you closer as a family or put more stress into the relationship and I'm glad your relationship seems to be thriving.

[Cathy]

that was wonderful what you wrote--

[TW]

What a wonderful tribute. I've known the Hunter 20 years, been married 15.5. We had been through a lot in the time we've been married, but I think I've learned the most in the last couple. I've learned not be arrogant and think that we are somehow immune from certain troubles. I've learned that you can never stop working on a marriage. I've learned not to let our relationship get caught up in "life". And, most importantly, I've learned to stay vigilant, to catch small irritations before they become huge problems.