Taking stock

I think I'm having the meltdown now. The packers come tomorrow, then they move us on Tuesday. And in spite of Gary's tremendous work, and my tremendous anxiety, the house is not "ready," by which I mean: the walls are not yet painted, the cleaners left more dirt than they removed, and I anticipate weeks of no place for anything and nothing in its place.

More painful, though is this realization: even with many more months of preparation, the house would never have been "ready" by my standards, because I would have just continued to add things to the list. Which is why I will never catch up. I will never be without "to do"s or the nagging sense that I'm falling behind. This is my Sisyphean rock.

Meanwhile, the apartment we've been living in for two years is also a mess, partly because we've been neglecting it lately and partly because I've been sorting through old clothes, old journals, and old memories -- taking an unintentional emotional inventory.

Which is how I realized what's really upsetting me: a childhood memory.

I was about 8 years old the first time I ever moved. That day, my father was shuttling our belongings from old house to new when my then-teenage sister and my mother started yelling at each other, as they often did. As the fight escalated, my sister threw a small brown paper bag at my mother. The bag happened to have a picture frame in it, which cut my mother's forehead, which sent her to the hospital for stitches and caused my grandmother (who was a bystander, like me) to faint.

Somehow, I guess we actually moved from 416 Beverly Drive to 110 Carriage Way, but I don't know how.

I know my mother and sister spent several weeks at the same psychiatric hospital just after moving day, and while I'm sure at some point the four of us all lived in the new house, I don't remember it.

I remember my mother breaking her leg in a car accident a few months later and taking me with her to Florida so she could "recuperate" (actually, she and my father separated). I remember hearing that my sister had moved out of that house and into the city. And I remember my parents fighting long distance for years about their divorce, whether to sell the house and who would get the money.

It's no wonder I hate moving. And no mystery why I make lengthy lists. It's a form of optimism, really, that things can be better -- things will be better -- if only I can stay one step ahead of the insanity.

Comments

[Amparo Curtis]

What, your mother had a car accident?! How is your family right now? Were you able to recuperate and recover from all the things that have happened? Moving is really hard since you have to part ways with all of the most memorable places.

[toni]

No wonder it's getting you down... that's a terrible memory.

I, too, had a never-ending to-do list when we moved here. I was determined to purge everything we didn't need as I packed so that the unpacking on this end would go quickly and without carting a bunch of junk over here that we didn't need. Which worked to about the half-way point, and then we had a very bad cold spell and the heaters in the old house weren't working and the new house was toasty warm and there went the best laid plans. Everyone sort of speed-packed the rest of the junk and I ended up having to sort it here. And we won't even talk about all the construction stuff I didn't get done before we moved in.

Good luck with your move and hope it feels terrific and like the best that the word "home" can bestow.

[Heidi]

Hang in there. Moving day will be over soon enough!

[Auntie M]

Good luck with the move. I hope it goes smoothly for you and that Colter adjusts well.

[mandy]

I'm probably going to be moving soon, too... though this is something I have been dreaming about for 2 years now, so I have to say I am more excited than stressed at this point... though I'm sure that will change...

It's no wonder moving stresses you out with what you went through! I hope things get better and go smoothly for you!!

[TW]

I hate moving. In fact, the Hunter's "affectionate" nickname for me is "the moving b!tch."

No wonder you have all the baggage about moving. Would it be possible for you to hire any more of it out? Or just try to make it a better experience so it won't bring back quite the memories?

[Robin]

Moms deserve a little meltdown every now and then. However I usually choose ice cream instead.

[Bianca]

I meant to write that "I am sad my mom and sister are now leaving"....I had such great time with them.

Like you, I also have a never ending "to-do"list. I wish for the day my to-do list is all checked, and I can get home and relax, do nothing and not feeling guilty about doing nothing!

Good luck.. again!
BBB

[Bianca]

Ohh Dear,

I know how you feel, I did not anticipated that moving was going to be such rough thing, and it was and took me by surprise. I was depress by the clutter, but the boxes, by not getting anything done and not wanting to do anything. Luckily my husband was there and he took me thru almost 4 weeks of desperation, of boxes and more boxes.
We are not done, but I feel better - somehow, i am still behind, but it is not as bad (there is hope).
You will be fine, you'll see - it is easy for me to say, but I speak for my own experience, I have beent there.
We haven't painted (just the dining area, becasue my family was coming over for Thanksgiving (to add to the stress) - but having my mom here and my sister was great - i am now sas they are done, I now have to resume my work thru the tons of boxes that are still around the house.

Good luck!

BBB

[Helene]

Good luck with the move - may it be over with soon :)

[Philip]

You'll get all settled in . . . and things will feel much better. In the meantime, try not to drive your husband to drink . . .

[Danielle]

I always love your posts. I am with you on the moving thing...such a dreaded thing. Here's to you coming out ahead of the game!

[Jen_Jake'smom]

wow. what a hard thing to deal with as a child! I hate moving, too, but you REALLY have a good reason!

Jen

[cooper]

What an amazing, straight forward way of unearthing and describing some less than great memories. You have written a very powerful post.