What was I saying?

Redirection is the only parenting strategy that has worked consistently with Colter.

When he was a baby, we'd distract him with sounds (like a rattle or music) or visual or tactile stimulation (a piece of cloth or mirror).

As a toddler, preschooler and young boy, he could be tickled out of many moods or coaxed out of them with a book or toy or game.

Now that he's 9, I've found it most effective to just change the subject.

If he's angry about something and we've already verbally hashed it out as completely as possible, I'll ask him about something else he did or whether he wants to go see a movie over the weekend or anything unrelated to the touchy topic.

If he responds, we're often able to restore calm so that when we return to the issue, we can resolve it. If he doesn't respond, he will often redirect himself by going into his room and playing alone until he can settle down.

Every once in a while, his ADHD works in our favor and he completely forgets about whatever was bothering him. More often, we can come up with a resolution once the heat of the moment has cooled.

But sometimes I feel guilty about this approach, like I'm tricking him and maybe unintentionally encouraging him to store his hostility away for another day...

...the day when he catches on and yells at me, "Don't change the subject!"

Comments

[Melissa]

Isn't that what is recommended? If it works, why not? hehe

[angel]

that works for me and damien too.
what i also do when he answers me rudely or impatiently or simply ignores something i've said, is to immediately repeat myself in exactly the same tone of voice and wording - as if the previous couple of seconds didn't happen.
its a LOT easier than fighting with him or getting upset with what he said and he knows he has said something that upset me when i repeat myself this way.
for us it's a little like resetting the situation to avoid a confrontation (especially since both of us are far from patient).
ciao.

[karen]

its a great strategy even if your kids don't have adhd...taking a breath, to regroup and calm the situation is always a good idea. my youngest is 15 and i've learned that beating a subject to death is not the way to go. if you don't 'redirect', not only does your temper rise, but so does the volume! 'redirecting' also gives you the opportunity to approach the topic from a different angle the next go round......:)

[ann]

Julie I just love reading your posts...... they are so true of so many of us. Thank you for putting them into words for us!

Keep up the redirect as long as it works.... My daughter, now 26, who was diagnosed with ADD in the 10th grade would fall for this until she had babies of her own.... ~~~ sounds like you have a few years to go......

[Eyes for Lies]

I just wonder once he is an adult, how he will cope with someone saying "NO!" to him. Will he be able to handle it or not?

I'm not a parent, but it doesn't sound like a good strategy. Then again, I am very unfamiliar with ADHD as well -- so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

Just an opinion :)

[Rachel Ann]

What's wrong with redirection? You aren't talking about ignoring the problem, you do talk it out till there is no more use in talking. Sometimes time is what one needs to correct a problem. If not, you'll have another day to work on whatever the "it" is.

[kelly]

That sounds so familiar. It's no longer working, unless I make a fart joke. Then he's putty in my hands.

[Heidi]

Nothing wrong with redirecting. You are not avoiding based on what you said. In fact, it sounds like great advice. Taking time to calm down and then talking later. Very good, imho.