Who moved my chi?

I was born a city girl and I will die a city girl. In between, I have become a small-town mom.

I first noticed this about myself during dinner a few weeks ago, when I announced to my family that I was eating flowers. Actually, it was an artichoke, but it had leaves.

My son said, "Mommy, you're a nature girl!"

I was horrified.

No, I'm not, I told him. Nature girls wear no makeup; they have curly, graying hair. And they eat vegetables.

Guilty, guilty, and reluctantly guilty.

But how can that be? Where, oh where has my city soul gone?

I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. We went to the zoo, the Art Institute, the Museum of Science and Industry. I spent time at my dad's business in the blue-collar neighborhood of Bridgeport and tasted the flavor of real Italian meatballs, Greek olives, steamed hot dogs in poppy seed buns.

When I was 13, we moved into the city, and I found new energy in the theatre, the bookstores, the buses. I thrived on having access to anything, anytime. I loved the rhythm of the streets and the anonymity -- the sense that everything matters and nothing matters.

When it was time to choose a college, there was only one place for me: New York City. My four years there were filled with the ultimate urban experience. I traded buses for subways, Second City for Broadway, and Lincoln Park for Central Park. I lived just south of Harlem and saw the island from Cloisters to Wall Street. I even ventured out to a borough or two.

But with bachelor's degree in hand, I decided to leave New York. After hopping over a homeless person one too many times, I worried my heart was hardening.

So I went to graduate school in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, a college town, just down the road from a capital city.

It wasn't Chicago or New York, but it was home. I was ready to slow down a little. And even though I would never grow roses, I did hope to stop and smell them more often.

Once I got married and had a son, I realized that the benefits of a simpler life outweighed my longing for the rush of activity. I was content with fewer restaurants, more pottery places, and a rebalanced life.

Mostly.

As my son grew, and we saw city friends and family during visits over the years, I started to worry.

Was I raising my son at a disadvantage? Sure we went to the occasional museum to see dinosaurs and Space exhibits. And traveling troupes came through to put on shows that had long ago left larger cities or grown old in them. But it wasn't the cultural gap that made me anxious.

It wasn't even the diversity gap, although I wondered whether my son would appreciate differences as much as I'd like. What would it mean if the sights and sounds of Chinatown remained foreign to him? The Lower East Side? The skyscrapers?

Even if I dismissed some of my concerns as superficial, there was still this most persistent fear: the achievement gap.

Most city kids I know are hipper, wiser and faster than my son. They're likely to rise to the top in various fields and become the kids against whom he will compete for spots in college, work, life. They'll probably be the ones hiring or firing him in about 15 years.

Will they understand his wry wit, recognize and respect the intelligence behind his slow smile?

I don't know. I hope so.

I hope that their exposure to all walks and talks of life has done more than render them street smart, cynical and sophisticated. I hope that it enables them to postpone snobbery and the prejudgments that most of us immediately form.

I hope.

Because the truth is, my son is not a city kid. He is easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, a homebody rather than an adventurer.

And I am not a city parent. Even if we could afford to live in D.C. or Boston, I'd have a hard time giving my son the kind of freedom my parents gave me, the kind he'd need to really enjoy and benefit from city life. And I'd rather he enter adulthood still innocent of life's harder edges.

So, we live in a small town, a few blocks south of Main Street. We walk to the community center, where my son plays basketball. We walk to the ice cream shop, where we sit outside by the train tracks and eat. We walk to the library, where the new books arrive regularly enough.

Sometimes, we even go to the pier and look out over Tampa Bay at the stingrays and sharks below and the sky above.

It's a view I've never seen anywhere else.

These days, cities are great places to visit. I just wouldn't want to live there.

A version of this LifeFiles column originally appeared on about 70 TV station websites managed by Internet Broadcasting Systems.

Comments

[Margaret]

Your home town sounds idyllic; I wouldn't worry about missing out on a thing! There is good and bad about each environment. Cities are great places to visit, but I wouldn't want to live in one with children, not in modern times. You mentioned Chicago and the Museum of Science and Industry; I just finished reading the book "Devil in the White City" about Chicago's World's Fair. That building was part of it, I think. Fascinating read and really made me want to visit Chicago.

[supermom_in_ny]

Deja-vu...
I was born and raised in the city, went to school there, had my first 3 kids there and then when they were 4,3,2 and 8 mos.... we moved to the Little House on the Prarie. And I am not exaggerating! (Talk about culture shock, everyone here knows your name!) Don't regret it at all, it's the best of both worlds. I live 1 hr and 40 minutes away from Manhattan. My neighbors consist of cows and horses. My kids wake up to find rabbits, woodchucks and squirrels welcoming the morning sun. When we miss the broadway musicals, museuems and zoos... we take a ride to the city. The kids love their home and so do I.
I knew we had to move after the attempt at being mugged at 3 pm in the afternoon, my apt. was broken into and my dog was stolen from a relatives yard while visiting them. I don't even lock the doors in my new home. The only complaint I have is ...the ocassional black bear.

[Raquita]

I wrote a counter column on my blog and started quite the debate among my friends - many of them have come here to read the post that started it all, as I live in the city and one of my best friends lives in the county (not quite the country) and we've been having this debate for about a year - your post gave me an constructive way to view what she was saying and also gave me the constructive thought space to respond accordingly - THANKYOU!

[angel]

Damien and I live in a suburb, one of the most popular suburbs I might add- it’s not the city, but not the styx. I love my life here and I love driving my car! We have access to several libraries, a planetarium, museums of all kinds, two zoos, a lion park, world heritage sites around the corner, there’s fast food, movies, shopping malls, skate-parks and my friends and family all live within about ten minutes of our place. We go for walks, not often I’ll warrant, but we do. BTW, can you really see sharks & stingrays from the pier? Damien would be camping out there (he wants to be a marine biologist when he grows up, specialising in sharks)!

[Madame M]

What a great piece. Thank you.

[Tammy and the Boys < :3 )~~~~]

I'm a city girl. I love my stiletto shoes, make-up, and wearing fancy clothes. I have had two "country" outings. Both make me shutter at the thought of them. I once went to rural Iowa to attend my brothers wedding. My trip can be summed up with the following phrase, "You wanna check out the pig farm?"

Nuff said.

My other attempt at country was going camping with a boyfriend. Oh, we had all of the camping goodies; tent, food, lantern, etc. Once we got to our designated area, the boyfriend started to set up the tent. I went to use the facilities...or more appropriately titled - bug infested hole in the ground. Then I got hot and sticky. There were no showers, which was probably a good thing after looking at the pottie. So, we fed the squirrels some Cheetos, packed up, went home, ordered pizza and slept on the floor.

Since then, my nature consists of sitting out by the pool watching the birds.

Happily.

Country I'm not.

Happily.

Small Town Girl...

Not unless they move it to the big city.

[Melanie Lynne Hauser]

Terrific column. As my kids approach college age, one thing we're considering is giving up the "small town" life for moving into the city. (Chicago, as a matter of fact.) We live in one of those sleepy little John Hughes-type suburbs, and it's been wonderful for my kids, riding bikes to school, walking to friends' houses, to the park - they've had a blissful, hands' off childhood. But despite our proximity to the city, we hardly ever go. And I'm craving the lifestyle where I can just walk outside my door and be in the middle of everything - restaurants, theater, museums.

But, like you, I never wanted that lifestyle while I was raising my children. There's time enough for that, once they've had the benefits of our small-town life.

[Shelley]

I couldn't wait to get out of my small town and off to the big city when I was growing up. Now I'm in the big city and have 2 children and would love to get back to my small town so we all could enjoy the freedom I knew as a kid. My hat is off to you for not being a city parent!

[Julia]

I was also a city girl from Houston Tx. Now I live in rural Missouri with my children. I miss the city myself, but really appreciate the fact that I can let my kids play in the yard or go to the movies with friends and I dont have to worry about them. Everyone knows everyone and watches out for all the kids in the community. Its great I would not ever go back to the big city now.