Be careful what you wish for... In one of my recent columns, I mentioned how much I'd like to skip Halloween, and guess what? The other day Colter said he didn't want to go trick-or-treating this year.
It's not my fault, really, at least not directly. He doesn't read my columns and I hadn't discussed it with him. He just decided he'd rather stay home, hand out candy and maybe go without parental supervision next year.
I was devastated and felt like a total failure as a parent. What kind of kid doesn't want to dress up and get free food? Mine, apparently. After talking to death why he didn't want to go (he doesn't know kids or grownups in our newish neighborhood), I finally let it be. He is very much his own person and I don't want to force him to do something that's supposed to be fun, especially because I hate being in that position myself.
I had just recovered from the stay-at-home Halloween when Colter asked me whether Santa Claus is real. He's been asking since last year and we were pretty sure he knew, but couldn't tell whether he wanted it confirmed or denied. So we've been responding with the parenting psychologist's answer, "What do you think?"
Finally, yesterday, Gary and I talked about it and decided to tell him the truth. I said, "Colter, if by Santa Claus you mean a round, jolly old guy who dresses up in a red suit and brings gifts down the chimney, then no, he's not real. But what I believe is that there's magic in giving to others and that's real and that's what Santa Claus is really about anyway."
He absorbed this just fine and as a bonus it gets us off the hook for a hefty lot of gifts this year, so I should be happy.
And yet I'm not. No trick-or-treating. No Santa Claus. I feel like I'm losing my innocence as Colter loses his.
I always told the children that Santa was magic pretend. As they grew older, one by one, they asked to become elves and stayed up helping me fill stockings. We talked about the spirit of Santa. More importantly, we talked the reality of Christ and also about how Santa reflected the spirit of love and giving, and that we can all follow their examples. We all believe in Santa if only because if you don't believe he can't fill your stocking.
Posted by: Barbara | November 11, 2005 at 11:28 AM
I've been meaning to tell you this... our Griff decided at the last minute Monday night that he was now too cool to Trick or Treat. He was happy, however, to eat his baby sister's candy. :)
Posted by: Michele | November 04, 2005 at 11:02 AM
Our time with Santa is coming soon too. I think our oldest already knows he doesn't exist (and has for a couple of years) but keeps the fun going for the younger 3. We will be honest when he asks as well.
Posted by: jody | November 02, 2005 at 02:06 PM
Radical honesty! What a concept! ;~)
Posted by: bonnie | November 02, 2005 at 07:16 AM
Great story!
However, if you tell me the Easter Bunny is a myth, too, I'm gonna go have a good cry...
Posted by: Kiril Kundurazieff | November 01, 2005 at 10:48 PM
Whoa. Tough weekend, huh?
I think boys tend to beg off of trick-or-treating fairly early. Girls, on the other hand, will trick-or-treat up until they leave home at 18. Thank God I have three girls- I gotta have my Kit Kats!
As for Santa... I'm cringing thinking of how I'll handle that moment (my stepdaughters learned the truth from their mom). Growing up, I had a friend whose mom told her that Santa lived in her heart and that he was real to those who believed in him. I remember wishing my mom had told me that instead of a flat "no" when I asked whether Santa was real. So I'm thinking I retained this memory for a reason and I should use it in dealing with my own munchkin...
Posted by: Lucinda | November 01, 2005 at 06:48 PM
I saw it as an opportunity to include the kids in the whole "it's a secret, what are we going to get for your grand mother, aunt Sheri, your sister/brother...." I have them help me more and they seem to have a great time doing so, especially when one of their friends tags along.
Posted by: DeeJay | November 01, 2005 at 07:42 AM
Oh I get this!!! I wrote two posts about this - the original is linked in through my most recent here:
mommyguilt.blogspot.com/2005/10/its-great-pumpkin-charlie-brown.html
Oh how I wish it would just link. but, alas, check those out. SmallBoy is coming up on a time when he's either going to figure it out himself or someone's going to spill the beans to him. I know it's so tough because it means they're getting older which means....UGH WE'RE GETTING OLDER. BUT what I've always stressed to my older two children is that it's the magic of the believing, especially with those who STILL believe, that's special.
Posted by: Christina | October 31, 2005 at 03:33 PM
It's very sad when they make that leap from child to grown up - at least in things like Santa Claus and Halloween. But trust me, they don't always stay so big. My oldest - 16 - is very excited to pass out candy tonight, and in fact wants to dress up a little to scare the little kids. So it's still fun, just in a different way.
Posted by: Melanie Lynne Hauser | October 31, 2005 at 11:47 AM
Good for you for not making him do something he didn't want to do! I've always loved the handing out of the candy, so maybe he'll enjoy seeing the other little kids dressed up.
As for Santa, our time is coming. I was sure our son had figured it out last year. He's a thinker, though, and everything has to make sense to him. He clearly decided that his dad and I were Santa, but he hadn't yet made the leap to realizing that everyone's parents were Santa. He is still working out in his head how we manage to get everywhere in one night. :)
Posted by: Michele | October 31, 2005 at 10:26 AM