Early Saturday morning, the phone rang. Colter's friend was inviting him to the Tampa Bay Lightning game that night. The crowd, the fights, the noise, the smells, the strangers, my baby. How could I say yes? The excitement, the freedom, the junk food, the thrill of victory, the new experience. How could I say no?
For 10 years I've been holding on to my son, protecting him. But this weekend I knew the time had come to start trusting he could begin protecting himself.
We left the decision up to Colter. Because he's never been to a hockey game, we described for him what it might be like in the arena: very loud, very bright, very sticky. We told him if he went it'd be with his dad's cell phone and asked him what he'd do if he got separated from his friend and his friend's father. He thought for a moment, then said he'd call his friend's father, whose number is programmed into the phone. His smart solution confirmed my confidence in him.
I called only once early in the evening to see how things were going, then he called twice to tell me about the score and the foam finger he bought. When he got home late that night, he woke me up to kiss me and then told Gary it was the best night of his life.
It may have been our finest moment as parents.
Colter needs to start living more independently, and I've got to start letting go. I will struggle with when and how to hold on loosely and let go safely, how to help him recognize risk and manage it. I will help him ask questions rather than assume I know all the answers.
Because it will be the choices he makes that determines who he is, not the choices we make for him.
Someone's growing up, and I'm pretty sure it's me.
As the parent of a seven-year-old, that time is coming far to quickly for me. This post nearly has me in tears because of what I have to look "forward" to. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: VJ | November 17, 2006 at 09:09 PM
Wise choices all around.
On to the next phase!
Cas
Posted by: cassie-b | October 28, 2006 at 07:18 PM
congratulations on a job well done mom!
i can't get used to damien going out without me... and he's nearly 16!
Posted by: angel | October 22, 2006 at 04:38 PM
I can't tell you the "why" of it, but it was MUCH harder to let go of my son that it has been to start letting go of my daughter. He's now 19 and she's 17 and it's still much harder with him. can't tell ya why... just something in the eyes when he looks at me makes me want to protect him, while my daughter appears to be independent and is much more confident facing the world on her own. My son wouldn't ever even go to a door on his own when they would trick-or-treat, if that tells you anything!!
Posted by: Kristi | October 21, 2006 at 02:16 PM
Congratulations!
Is that even the right thing to say? Thanks for making me glad my son is still so young - I'm definitely not ready to let go!
Posted by: Cathy | October 20, 2006 at 04:59 PM
wow. I'm so glad he had a wonderful time, and yikes on the growing up fast.
Right now my kids are teetering on the edge of independance, and it's so hard to let them do things alone that are safe.
So much of parenting is such a fine balance of needs - congrats for getting it right!
Posted by: rachel | October 17, 2006 at 02:51 PM
"Someone's growing up, and I'm pretty sure it's me."
isn't that the heart-thumping beauty of it?
Posted by: kelly | October 17, 2006 at 09:31 AM