Mom in the Mirror

Inspiration wherever I can find it

I'm a bit of a quotation collector. I find inspiration wherever I can, from my favorite cards to church marquees, I'm not picky about the source.

This week, I found inspiration in McDreamy and McCann.

In a TV Guide interview, Patrick Dempsey said: "I don't need to know where I'm going, I just need to know where I'm coming from." He was talking about acting on "Grey's Anatomy" without knowing future plot twists, but who among us has the script for the rest of our lives?

Before I had surgery in July, I put together a collection of healing quotes to keep near me during my hospital stay. While I was recovering, I saw a TV commercial for some medication and was moved and motivated by the song playing in the background. I've since learned the song was "I Will Be," sung by Lila McCann:

I will be here
I will be strong
I'll face my fears when the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave
I will be bold
Follow my faith to a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be

I will be.

For great quotations about writing, see "And I Quote" by Chip Scanlan, a friend and Poynter colleague. He includes this collection of his favorites.

What inspires you?

Honoring simplicity

As I continue recovering, I learn over and over to appreciate the tiniest details of daily life -- waking up well-rested, a good book to read, that steaming cup of tea beside me. Since this blog is my "life reflected," I've streamlined the design and removed some extra elements from the margins. I also want to start writing more regularly again. Some topics I plan to tackle:

• Which cat am I?
• "I love you unprovisionally."
• The virtues of the phone
• You gave me a son and I gave him back
• All in or all out: "Gilmore Girls" premieres

I'm not sure whether I'm up to writing daily, but I'll commit to more often than monthly now that I'm out of bed more than I'm in it, out of the house a few times a week (browsing bookstores, seeing my new therapist, shopping at Super Target), and generally rejoining the world. Thanks for being a part of it.

Beginning again

Colter started 5th grade yesterday and I was home to hear all about it.

Actually, I've been home for a few weeks, but it was in body only for the first little while, when I mostly slept and took my medicine. The surgery went well, but the recovery will be slow nonetheless.

Little by little, I'm coming back.

Right now that means I'm walking a bit more, writing the old-fashioned way (on pencil and paper!), reading, watching TV.

I don't have much energy, and what I have I try to save for Colter, who has been amazing all summer and is so glad to be back to the structure of school, and for Gary, who has been shouldering a load heavier than anyone should have to, and has been so quiet and strong about it. The gift of these last few months has been how much we've grown together as a family and how much closer we've grown to friends and all our other loved ones.

Tomorrow, Gary and I make the three-hour drive to Gainesville to have the staples removed from my incision and then we'll come back home for more recovery.

Every step of the way, I feel so fortunate to have so much support. I don't know where I'd be without you all.

And by that I do mean YOU. Thank you all so much for the e-mails, comments, good wishes and prayers. They remind me that I'm connected to a community that is pulling for me as hard as it can. You inspire me with your resilience and grace at starting anew each day.

And speaking of new beginnings, here's some information on the upcoming season of "Gilmore Girls":

• Season premiere: Sept. 26, 2006 -- "The Long Morrow"
• TV Guide's Michael Ausiello has read the season premiere script and describes it
• Ausiello interviewed new GG show runner David Rosenthal about what viewers can expect this year
• Scoops from Ausiello beyond the Rosenthal interview
• Spoilers (actual script pages) from Genevieve
• For those of you wondering what happened to GG creator Amy Sherman-Palladino, she's got a development deal at Fox now

Putting "Gilmore Girls" in perspective

On March 28, my husband and son took me to the emergency room with what I knew was serious internal pain (I ruptured my spleen at age 16 and had a ruptured ovarian cyst at 20, so I recognized the similarities immediately). Pretty quickly, they did an ultrasound and told me they were going to remove my gall bladder, which they did the next day. But the laproscopic surgery didn't go as expected because when they removed my gall bladder, they discovered my liver was "impressive" (that's doctor code for horrifying). I had three lesions, one of which was large and filled with fluid.

I spent the next two and a half weeks in the hospital receiving amazing care from nurses who kept me comfortable and calm, having X-rays, CT scans, MRIs, and other tests while five doctors (my GP, an infectious disease doctor, a GI doctor, a pulmonologist and, late in the process, an oncologist whose necessity terrified me) tried to figure out what to do about this rare condition.

Eventually, they biopsied two of the "lesions" (aka tumors), tried to drain the large one, and discovered they were benign. We all hoped the large benign tumor would shrink, along with my liver, so that I'd stop having symptoms (fever, vomiting, intense pain, etc.). One day shy of three weeks in the hospital, they released me. Even though the liver was still swollen, all my blood counts and other labs were healthy and it seemed time would have to work its magic.

I've been home a little more than two weeks now and things have improved slightly. The tumor's still huge (I've continued to have X-rays, CT scans and ultrasounds), I still have some symptoms, and I'm generally exhausted. On the other hand, I'm home. For an hour or two (longer on some days), I'm able to get out of the house (my amazing husband's the chauffeur since I can't drive yet) and feel the sun and air and life around me.

On Monday, we go to an oncologist who specializes in livers; even though my tumor is benign we're optimistic that he'll be able to direct us to some options other than: wait until it shrinks on its own or embolize it so it can't bleed again or resection the liver. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I've been watching "Gilmore Girls" and keeping up with the latest news (the SherPas leaving) through Michael Ausiello's two blogs, but it's no longer an obsession. It's taken it's rightful place in my life as a TV show.

And since "Gilmore Girls" is a show about family, perhaps I've just taken its message to heart, because right now my only obsession is spending as much time with my family as possible while I (fingers crossed) get better.

1 degree of "Gilmore Girls"

I discovered earlier this week that a friend from high school had a speaking part on an episode of "Gilmore Girls." Friend is a simplification, actually. At times we were more than friends, at times we were less. I've been debating whether to e-mail him and find out what it was like on the set. It's been 20 years since we last saw each other or spoke, and it was awkward at the time. What would you do?

Here's an updated schedule and synopsis for most of this season's remaining "Gilmore Girls" episodes:

April 4: 6.17 -- I'm OK, You're OK

Rory forgives Logan, then needs some time for herself, so she pays a visit to Lorelai in Stars Hollow. Although Lorelai refuses to admit that she is upset, Rory can tell that she is bothered by the news that Luke will be gone for a few days on a field trip with his daughter, April.

And, against Lorelai's wishes, Rory pays a visit to the store owned by April's mother, Anna, to spy on her. Meanwhile, when Zach finally works up the courage to ask Mrs. Kim for permission to marry Lane, he is surprised at the deal she makes with him. (Source: KTLA)

April 11: 6.18 -- The Real Paul Anka

Lorelai has a bizarre dream in which singer/songwriter Paul Anka has a cameo role. Meanwhile, although Rory and Logan are back together, Logan is miserable knowing that Rory hasn't really forgiven him, and he takes off with his friends for another stunt with the Life and Death Brigade. Rory accepts Jess' invitation to attend an open house at his new book store/art gallery/publishing house in Philadelphia. While there, she is surprised to run into Luke, who is accompanying his daughter April on an academic field trip.

Luke is a chaperone during April's school trip to a math contest. He must befriend Mr. Munster, a math teacher, and Kelly and Earl, two other chaperones. During the bus drive, Luke sits with the kids rather than with the adults and is a fish out of water, especially when the kids start singing Tom Lehrer's "The Elements" (a song about all the chemical elements). He tries to connect with the kids, but mostly, he tries to connect with April.

Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai takes care of the Moores, a couple staying at the Dragonfly who go horseback riding. Lorelai is horrified to find that Richard and Emily have been looking at real estate in her town (it seems Kirk may be their real estate agent). The episode was written and directed by Daniel Palladino. (Sources: The Futon Critic and SpoilerFix.com)

April 18: 6.19 -- I Get a Sidekick Out of You

Lorelai is in charge of the bachelorette party for Lane. Audition scripts show them at Doose's buying beer, with the party at BWR, where they get drunk while watching "American Gigilo."

Christopher bought Rory and himself sidekicks and is annoying Rory with text messages. Lorelai thinks it's cute.

Michel was supposed to be Lorelai's date to Lane's wedding (Luke is still in Philadelphia with April), but instead he's going to a Celine Dion concert. Rory suggests that Lorelai go with Christopher.

Grandma Kim (Mrs. Kim's mother?) is a Buddhist and doesn't know that Mrs. Kim is a 7th day adventist. Mrs. Kim tells Lane and Rory to hide the Christian stuff under the floorboards.

After two ceremonies and two receptions, Lorelai is drunk and collapses. Christopher is there to take care of her.

This episode will be directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino. (Source: Television Without Pity Spoilers and TVGuide.com's Ausiello Report)

April 25: 6.20 -- Super Cool Party People

Logan is rushed to the hospital after he had an accident when jumping off a cliff using a parachute. He has a collapsed lung, broken ankle, contusions over a third of his body, and a concussion. Rory is highly frustrated because the nurses and doctor do not want to explain what is going on with Logan. Paris will help her get the needed info. Luke and Caesar clash over what to do with bananas. Luke has April and a few of her friends over at his place and the diner for April's birthday. Lorelai comes to the rescue to help with the girls and make this party be fun, which allows her and April to finally properly meet one another. Lorelai also meets Anna. Miss Patty, Colin, and Finn also appear. (Source: SpoilerFix)

May 2: 6.21 -- "Driving Miss Gilmore"

Temporarily unable to see after minor eye surgery, Emily enlists Lorelai's help as her driver and companion, finally revealing a huge surprise that catches Lorelai completely off-guard. Meanwhile, Rory takes charge of Logan's recovery when he is released from the hospital. Finally, Luke helps his sister Liz and her husband T.J. deal with Liz's pregnancy. (Source: KTLA)

May 9: 6.22 -- "Partings" (Season Finale)

Ausiello: I understand you have a doozy of a cliffhanger planned. Does it involve Rory or Lorelai?
Amy Sherman-Palladino: Both.

Ausiello: How will it be different than last year's?
AS-P: They each have their own separate one; it does not deal with the two of them [together]. Their relationship is on good footing, so it's now about their two [romantic] relationships. It's closer to the [Season 4 cliffhanger] when Rory slept with Dean, but it's a little bit more Pow! Bang! Ouch! than we've done in the past. Basically, it's a Batman episode.

Ausiello: I have a feeling Christopher's involved.
AS-P: Do you? I don't know. That's a good feeling. Maybe I should go with that.

This episode will be directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino. (Source: TVGuide.com's Ausiello Report)

Also, no need to worry at all about next season. Show creator Amy Sherman-Palladino confirmed to TV Guide columnist Michael Ausiello that (with or without her), "Gilmore Girls" will be back next year with 22 episodes.

You can read select scenes from the finale here.

How worried should we be?

I was totally confused by this week's Entertainment Weekly interview with Amy Sherman-Palladino, specifically by whether the network was talking about season 6 being the last one of "Gilmore Girls" or season 7.

Here's an excerpt from " 'Girl' Trouble?" by Ken Tucker:

The future of ''Gilmore Girls'' -- Will the critically adored series make the move to The CW?

Attention, Gilmore Girls fans wondering whether Lorelai and Luke will wed: There are bigger behind-the-scenes worries. While the cast is signed through next year, creator/writer/director/culture mistress extraordinaire Amy Sherman-Palladino has yet to renegotiate with The CW (that impending WB/UPN mash-up). The series is ''still doing strong numbers... and family neuroses really never end,'' she tells EW. ''Why make it the last year?'' EW: So who's saying it might be? ASP: The studio is mentioning it [perhaps] being the last year. EW: Are you signed through year 7? ASP: No... as of April, I am apparently working at the Coffee Bean at the Beverly Center, making vanilla blendeds for girls going to Bebe.

So, my question is, when she says "Why make it the last year?'' does the "it" refer to year 6  (this year) or year 7 (next year)? I have the same question about her statement, "The studio is mentioning it [perhaps] being the last year." Which "it" is it?!

Adding to my anxiety is today's article on the L.A. Times Web site, which says:

Meanwhile, questions still swirl around the WB's "Gilmore Girls," which despite early reports might not be a slam-dunk for CW's fall schedule. Network and talent-agency sources say the CW still doesn't have a deal with creator Amy Sherman-Palladino or with cast members, including Lauren Graham.

It's true that the CW doesn't have a deal with Sherman-Palladino or her husband, but several publications reported late last year that Lauren Graham is signed on for season 7, along with Alexis Bledel and Scott Patterson (The L.A. Times has since corrected that portion of the story). But even this recent AP story is indefinite about the show's future.

Graham said the signs point to one more season after this one; the production company is making sure to add another year for people who had six-year contracts. Graham said that's when she'd like to move on, citing the show's workload.

"Getting the language perfect requires a number of takes that you might not have on another show," she explained. "It's just a lot of work 13, 14 hours door to door. I've missed weddings, I've missed babies being born. I'm not complaining, because of what it has brought me, but I would be ready for a different balance."

She has a hard time imagining the Palladinos not involved, particularly if the series is coming to an end.

Television economics may also play a part in the decision. The WB is canceling "7th Heaven" because, after a decade on the air, the network's most popular show was losing money because it was so expensive to make.

"They've come to us before and asked point-blank how long we think the show can go," Sherman-Palladino said, "and we say it's a family show, it can go on forever. If '7th Heaven' could have gone on for 10 years, why couldn't this show go for 10 years? There's no reason. They're going to be hard-pressed to assemble a cast this good on television again."

I'm not voting for a 10-year run, but please don't end the series with a cliffhanger in May! I'm not ready.

Now that's more like it

Here are some excerpts from a Chicago Tribune interview with Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino in which they articulate what's happening with Luke and Lorelai and Rory and Logan.

Amy on whether the show will continue next season without her and her husband at the helm: "We have no say over how long this goes. It's all due to the network. They sort of decide year by year if they want another year. A couple times we thought [it was the last season], we thought Season 5 was the last year, but then we had this uptick, so, 'Oh, there's a Season 6'!

"We always put things in place [for the next season]; we've got a big, huge season cliffhanger finale this year, probably one of our biggest. Whatever happens next year, whether we're here or someone else is here, it leaves the show with really good momentum and lots of good places to go."

Amy on Lorelai and Luke: "We've got a lot of Luke-Lorelai stuff we're playing this year. A lot of ups and downs and twists and turns for them, in getting these kids to the altar. And we've also got Rory and Logan too, they're having a tumultuous year also. They’'e working their way back together. In ['Friday Night's Alright for Fighting'] Logan came through for her in a way she needed. He stepped it up a notch in that episode. That's their reconciliation. For now.

"We brought Luke's daughter in not so much to play 'Oh my God, there's a long lost daughter,' but more to play, 'Who are Luke and Lorelai to each other?' They're two mid-thirties people who have built very independent lives, needing no one, they've got their own homes, their own businesses; they've got things just the way they like them. They're incredibly independent and strong-willed and stubborn, and those are tough lives to mesh.

"The daughter thing was just a way to tap into an aspect of Luke that makes things interesting for the Luke-Lorelai relationship. Luke is very duty-bound and honor-bound and he feels great responsibility to family, even though family is something he scoffs at a lot. He's also a very single-minded, tunnel-vision person. So he's going to feel he's got to take care of this responsibility before he can take care of any other responsibility. Right or wrong, it's who he is.

"It’s a great device for us because [the daughter plot] taps into that without bringing in another woman or another romance, because nobody's going to believe that. These two people are meant for each other, the only think keeping them apart right now is their own baggage.

"And Lorelai, being an incredibly independent, proud person, she’s not a pusher. She's not going to say, 'But what about me?' It's sometimes their own lack of communication abilities that have kept them single this long, and that causes our conflict -- so we don't have to bring in the big elephant or the earthquake or 'We're trapped in an elevator' or someone's in a coma."

Dan on Luke and Lorelai and Rory and Logan: "We're really playing through the Lorelai and Luke thing, there will be something that will sort of put a cap on where we've been leading them. And Rory is dating a guy who -- Rory is a one-guy girl, very stable, and she's dating a guy who's not very stable. And that's always a part of their relationship. Now, they may get married at some point and live together for 50 years, but that instability is always going to be there, because they're different people who need each other for some reason. We're going to be playing out aspects of that friction over the next seven or eight episodes."

Amy on Logan and Rory: "There are deeper layers to Logan or she wouldn't be with him. Logan is a kid whose entire life has been preplanned for him. Rory grew up in a household where it was like, 'Anything you want, kid, you go for it.' He never had that. He grew up with all the money privilege, but he didn't grow up with any freedom. His freedoms are sort of self-imposed, 'I'm going to go act like an idiot, because I've never gotten a chance to explore who I am.' I think Rory sees something deeper in him. This is a very smart guy, and if he ever got his [stuff] together, who knows.

"There are also aspects of Christopher [in Logan], there's a little daddy issue there. Christopher was also a very rich, charming kid who had no focus. It's a little bit of daughter and mommy making similar choices. Who knows, years from now, if he gets his [stuff] together, I think they could be long-term. Right now, he's trying as far as he can try, but he has limits to who he is.

"And he's done some things for Rory that on the surface seem kind of bad, but I think in the end, are very good. Because Rory was very subdued and needed to tap into a strength in herself that maybe she wasn't doing so much, because she has a very strong mom and strong friends. She never really had to do that. She never really had to dig down deep and find out who she was. And this guy made her have to do that. So when you talk about it on that level, there could be more there [between Rory and Logan]." 

I find those explanations of the relationships very satisfying and encouraging.

Here's a possible schedule for the rest of this season's "Gilmore Girls":

6.16 -- Bridesmaids Revisited (Scheduled airdate, Feb. 28)
6.17 -- Rory visits Anna's store (Airdate To Be Determined)
6.18 -- The Real Paul Anka (Scheduled airdate, April 11)
6.19 (I'm guessing this will air the first Tuesday after sweeps begin, May 2)
6.20 (Guessing this will air May 9)
6.21 (Guessing this will air May 16)
6.22 (Guessing this will air May 23, last Tuesday of sweeps)

During this lull between episodes, I also read an alternate version of "A Vineyard Valentine" that felt emotionally plausible and interesting (although I'm glad it didn't happen). By the same fan fiction author, there's a really well-written piece that surprised me, and yet seemed entirely logical. Enjoy -- and tell the author if you like them.

A literary look at the "Gilmore Girls"

I've been fascinated by different perspectives on "Gilmore Girls," so I've been searching for and reading a variety of things, including a few pieces from Salon that are examples of how TV can be interpreted as meaningfully as literature:

• Knocked up like me
• The parent trap

I also discovered this package of stories about the show's 100th episode, including an interview with Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino, an article about Sherman-Palladino's style, a piece on the series' creative approach, its music, and finally conversations with the actors about how they are like and unlike the characters they play.

More recently, there was this Associated Press story about Lauren Graham's response to the Lorelai-Rory split. In it, show creator Amy Sherman-Palladino justifies the plot and also reveals a little about the end of season six: "The Palladinos are making plans for a cliffhanger ending to this season (wedding? no wedding?) and for the show to run without them in the fall, just in case."

I've also discovered a whole genre I never knew existed: fan fiction written about characters from TV shows, movies, and more. It's been fun reading some of the "Gilmore Girls" stories -- fictionalized accounts of what could have happened between episodes, between seasons, or (in one case) between the series stars in a novel-length story about Lauren Graham and Scott Patterson falling in love.

Here are some additional collections:

• "Gilmore Girls" fiction (rated G-R)
• "Gilmore Girls" fiction (rated NC-17)
• Black & White & Read
• Proud & Prejudiced
• Lukewarm: The Luke Danes Fiction Archive
• The Chilton Library
• "Gilmore Girls" e-fiction
• "Gilmore Girls" Fiction for Fans

Also, from inside the serial box, Sarah Jessica Parker talks about the ill-fated "Sex and the City" movie: it would have included two weddings.

The Super Bowl of soaps

Although I grew up watching football with my dad, Gary and Colter and I are not really a Super Bowl family. But it's been a long weekend (Gary's been sick, Colter had a friend spend the entire day yesterday, my car died) and we were ready for a distraction -- especially in the form of entertaining commercials. So at 6 p.m. I headed to pick up the pizza and the peanuts and we were eating in front of the TV by kickoff.

During the halftime report, I realized: The way the commentators talk about football is the way I talk about "Gilmore Girls." They dissect every detail, replay the highlights, analyze every move, and predict what will happen next.

Sports and soap operas -- it's all about the drama. Who knew?

Window shopping